


About You

by polariizepilots



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Carter hunter, Drinking, Eliza hunter, Homophobic Language, Jaime Hunter, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Not Beta Read, This takes place during and after the 3-night finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polariizepilots/pseuds/polariizepilots
Summary: Carter Hunter is not who people think he is. He just wants them to think that, so they don't pry into his life.(Used to be titled Can't Think Straight)((Title is the same name from the song About You by San Cisco))





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want more of Carter because he intrigued me and I feel like his character deserves to be explored more. I just hope I do a good job of it. 
> 
> Oh, and some dialogue will be taken from the actual dialogue in the show and some will not. Oh, and I don't know how many chapters there will be, but I was thinking 5-10 chapters. 10 chapters being the maximum.
> 
> Go follow me on tumblr @lemonsunsets if you want. (I don't know how to link my tumblr on here so that's why I put the @ symbol lmao).

The bussling of noise is a welcoming distraction from the weird nervousness in Carter's body. He likes hearing people talk...sometimes. Most times he's usually the only doing the talking, so it's kinda nice just seeing people interact.

Carter is setting next to his brother-in-law Jude. He thinks Jude is kinda...well, he doesn't know what Jude is. This is the first time they really met. All he knows that Jude is in college and that he doesn't talk much.

He glances over and he sees Jude on his phone. He doesn't really care all that much, so he tunes back into the nearest conversation. After a while though, he gets bored and leaves to go to the bathroom. He walks into the house and checks all the rooms on the first floor, until he finds the bathroom.

There, in the bathroom, he gives himself a bit of a pep talk. He looks at himself on the mirror and wonders what his life would be like if he had a family like Jude's. He tries to not think of that too much, and leaves the bathroom.

He stops when he sees Jude pouring himself a glass of rum. He doesn't like rum, but he still asks for a glass.

“I'll have one those,” he says, lightly. There's something about Jude that makes him itch inside. Like, Jude can see through his façade.

“Yeah, sure,” Jude laughs lightly. He watches has Jude pours himself a glass and hands it too him.

“Thanks,” he murmurs.

Jude nods to him and he sees a slight smile on his face.

They sit in the parlor room, that's next to the kitchen. They sit in silence for a few minutes until it edges a little bit into uncomfortable.

“So, uh, what college do you go to?” He asks, just to make conversation.

“UCLA. It's a good school,” Jude responds. “Where do you go to school at?”

“Princeton,” he answers.

“Princeton? Shit that must be tough,” Jude says. “What do you major in?”

“Oh, you know, the classics,” Carter replies. He doesn't know if he sounds like a snob or not. Jude must think he does.

“Oh…so, like, Latin and homeward stuff.”

“Yeah, it's a good foundation for law school,” he says. “It's what my brother did, he's the golden boy.”

“In what universe does the boy who goes to Princeton not the golden boy?” Jude chuckles.

“In my world, I guess.” They both laugh at that, maybe for different reasons though.

“How do you like UCLA?”

“It's good.”

“The best part about Princeton is that it's all the way across the country,” Carter titters.

“Yeah, well, LA is not too far.”

“You come home much?” He asks.

Jude shakes his head. “Not really. I mean, I don't have a car and you know, it's fun to party on the weekends.”

He scoffs lightly. “Sure. I mean, Brandon's in LA though, so you must see him.”

Carter notices Jude's body language and wonders if he's gone to far, or been to privy.

“Not really. I mean, everyone's really busy.” He says as he takes a sip of his drink. Carter hasn't really touched his drink in a while. He doesn't really like to drink all that much.

“So, what are you studying?” He asks. Maybe because he's curious or maybe because he wants to make conversation.

“I don't know. Maybe psychology, though I hear good things about the classics,” Jude smiles. Carter isn't stupid, he might be many things but stupid isn't one of them. He notices a flirty smile when he sees one.

So, he deflects any speculation that Jude might have about him. “My girlfriend's a psych major.”  

Jude looks at him like he's lying and maybe he is, but he doesn't have to know that. He watches Jude get off the couch and take a sip of his drink.

“Refill?” Jude asks, pointing to his cup.

“No thanks, I'm good.” he declines. He takes a sip when Jude's back his turned from him.

He's talking to this guy named Mat. He's older than him with long black hair. He doesn't really know why he's here. He thinks he's one of Jesus's or Mariana’s friend.

He watches as Jude stumbles past him. He's definitely hammered.

He continues walking with Mat into the backyard. He likes the backyard, how it's decorated. He thinks Jude's parents did a great job. He kinda hates how two-faced his parents can be, and maybe that's why he chose to go to Princeton. So he can be away from them.

He makes non-committal replies as Mat keeps talking to him. He thinks Mat is attractive, but he doesn't really care for what he has to say. They stop talking after a while and he goes back and sits down at the table. He scrolls through his phone until it's time to leave.

A part of him doesn't want to go home.

 


	2. Turks and Caicos day 1 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place the first day at Turks and Caicos. While chapter three will take place at night mostly, if that makes sense. Uh, I'm thinking about adding some OCs but I'm not very sure. I'm not sure when chapter three will be up, maybe later today or tomorrow.

Carter wakes up to his alarm blaring on his nightstand. He rolls over and turns it off. He doesn't really want to get up right now, but he knows he should because they have to catch their flight to Turks and Caicos at 8:30. He's excited about this destination wedding, because that means that his parents will focus on Brandon and Eliza.

He gets his ass out of bed and gets ready for his flight in about an hour or so. He gathers his bags that he packed two days before and grabs his passport, and his ticket.

“Hurry up! You know how long it takes to get the airport, we need to get there early so we don't miss our flight!” His dad yells from downstairs.

“I'm almost done!” He yells back. He wishes that he was older, so that he can live alone and just meet his parents at the airport like his older brother and sister. But he just had to be born last.

They make it to the airport on time with twenty minutes to spare. They just wait in silence for their flight to be called, and while they wait Carter scrolls through Instagram. His parents don't try to make conversation with him and he's grateful for that.

 

* * *

 

They arrive to Turks and Caicos a little earlier than Brandon's family. He likes Turks and Caicos, it's a beautiful resort with clear blue water and white sandy beaches. They also can drink here which is a major plus in his opinion.

He's in his own hotel room right now. He's glad that he doesn't have to share with anyone, since his parents are paying for the whole wedding. He unpacks his belongings and stuffs them into dressers that they have in the hotel room. It's takes a while to unpack everything and he doesn't really know why he brought so much clothes, when they're staying for 3 days.

He leaves his room after he's all done with unpacking, and makes sure to bring his key-card with him. He locks his room and leaves to go find everyone.

 He spots Jude talking with his sister, Callie. Jude looks his way and gives him a small wave. He gives one back with a small smile. Carter doesn't intrude on Callie and Jude's conversation, so he goes and gets himself a drink. He conversates with other people; these people are his sister, dad, and Brandon's sister, Mariana. He's having a good time, and he'll be damned if doesn't enjoy himself on this 3 day destination wedding.

* * *

 

 

The cool saltwater feels good on his skin. He's having fun swimming with Jude. He swims around Jude and puts his arms around his waist. Jude let's out a laugh and pulls away from him. He hides his disappointment behind a laugh and they just go back trying to dunk each other under the water. (He just hopes his dad doesn't see.)

He's having fun, like real fun. He doesn't remember having this much fun with anyone, in a while. He's always busy with school work and studying for a major he doesn't want to study in. He wants to be a writer, but his parents would never allow it. He doesn't think that Jude realizes how lucky he really is.

  


“This was taken when Brandon was going through his vampire phase,” stef chuckles. He feels comfortable around Jude's family, like they're so carefree and wonderful people.

Everyone lets out a small laugh at that one and he keeps glancing over at Jude, he doesn't know why, he just does.

“This was a bad hair phase,” stef laughs as she clicks through the photos.

“Brandon and Eliza had something in common right from the every start, red hair!” Lena exclaims. “And it didn't stop there, they both enjoyed playing dress up and music of course.”

He stops listening after a while because his attention is solely on talking with Jude. Carter thinks they click well together. He thinks Jude is funny and kind, now that they've talked here and there.

“And they both enjoyed sticking out their tongues,” Lena says. “Eliza thank you for loving our son, and we want to welcome you to our family.”

“We love you,” stef says as she blows kisses to Eliza.

They all clap after the presentation is over and he thinks that Eliza is right in choosing Brandon. They already love Eliza like she's their own.

“Well, we certainly can't compete with that wonderful slide show,” He hears his mom say. But he knows she's lying, and he knows what's going to come next. “Stef and Lena thank you so very much.”

“Yes, thank you.” His dad says. “So, uh, we'll just keep this brief which means I'll do the talking.”

He dad chuckles on the last part, but no one laughs. He doesn't think that his dad knows what he says is actually not that funny, or nice.

“Uh, Brandon, you're a fine young man. Our beloved and only daughter made a good choice, however if you break her heart,  I'll have no choice but to kill you.” His dad says. Everyone laughs (uncomfortably) at the last part, but he thinks his dad wasn't kidding.

“So with that, I'd like to present our wedding gift to you, tonight. Heads up,” his dad says as he tosses keys to Brandon. He notices Brandon's confused expression, but his dad talks before Brandon ask any questions.

He knows where this is headed. He overheard his parents talking about a condo somewhere in Cali.

“Those are keys. To your very own condo in Santa Monica,” His dad says. “Three bedrooms, two baths and just a walk from the beach.”

He notices everyone's disbelief expressions and he wishes that his dad wasn't such an ass sometimes. His father is always trying to one up someone and he hates it.

“All you have to do is go over the HOA fees, the property taxes and insurance,” his dad continues.

“Oh!” His mom cuts in. “And of course we'll help you furnish it, we just wanted you to chose all that for yourselves.”

Carter notices the smug smile on his dad's face and he surpressess the urge to roll his eyes. God, sometimes he wishes he had different parents.

He watches his sister get up and hug their mom and dad. He also notices Brandon's exasperated expression on his face as he looks to his moms.

Everyone can't believe that his parents just did that, mostly Brandon's family. He feels sorry for them because they don't deserve this passive-agressiveness from his parents. They're good people.

“Oh, I also arranged for some entertainment,” his mom says because of course she did.

They all enjoy the entertainment, well maybe not everyone because he sees the tight lipped smiles on Stef and Lena's face.

He feels bad but there's really nothing he can do.

He stays seated at the table as Jude leaves and what he guesses to get a beer or some form of alcoholic beverage.

These are going to be a long three days.


	3. Turks and Caicos day 1 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's chapter three! I want to thank everyone who left kudos and comments! Chapter 4 will most likely be up later today (also if y'all want to talk to me because I desperately want new friends, then go follow me on tumblr @lemonsunsets)

Carter is bored. Like, insanely bored. He's just watching Jesus and his brother play air hockey, and it's _boring_. He looks around the room and notices the girls in the arcade room is relatively young.

“Every single girl in this room is underage,” He says to Jude.

He can see Jude's confused expression and he totally forgot.

“I thought you had a girlfriend,” Jude says accusingly. _Oh shit_. He totally did say that he did have a girlfriend.

“Yeah, well, we're not like exclusive,” He says. He's lying, he's lying right through his white teeth. God, why is he like this?

Jude gives him a look that conveys disbelief and sarcasm. Like, he doesn't fully believe Carter's lie which is understandable, because it's not a very good lie.

“Do you a have boyfriend?” He asks because he really wants to know.

“No. Well, I did all throughout highschool. His name was Noah and he went to school in Santa Cruz, and now he has a new boyfriend. But we're still friends though,” Jude explains.

“Woo!! That's what I'm talking about!” Jesus says excitedly. “Brandon, my brother, want to play? Make it interesting; five bucks a point?

“Ohh no, we're not playing for money. I don't have any to lose,” Brandon says sternly.

“Oh c’mon, you have a condo and a sugar momma,” Mat says.

“Yeah, well, my wife is not supporting me.” Brandon sighs.

“If you don't make it as a film composer, then you could always work for my dad,” Carter says meanly. He doesn't know what came over him and why he's suddenly being so rude to Brandon. He's done nothing wrong.

“Hey hey, Carter,” Jaime says in that older brother tone of his.

“Hey, Eliza understands that I'm not going to make it big overnight,” Brandon says with an egde to his voice.

“She’s accustomed to a certain lifestyle,” Carter says. He knows he's being rude to Brandon for no reason, but he can't seem to stop.

“Hey, he's just busting your balls,” Jaime says to Brandon.

“You know she always gets what she wants,” Carter says with a sneer. He hates himself right now. Why must he be like this?

“I think we need some beers,” Jesus says. “I think it's about time we blow this popsicle stand.”

 

* * *

  


“Hey hey hey, we're crashing your party!” Jesus says as they near the girls.

“Oh thank god! We are dying of boredom” one of Eliza's bridesmaids says. He thinks she's pretty, but he wouldn't get with for reasons.

He goes off to the bartender because he's wants to get well and truly hammered right now. He wants to drink enough so he forgets that he was being snarky to Brandon without a reason. And it's also legal to drink here, so he won't get into any “real” trouble.

He's about four cocktails in when he actually feels the effects of the alcohol. He turns to the girl that's next to him and starts talking to her, in his drunken state. Which in hindsight, is a very poor decision.

“You are gorgeous...we should- we should hang out,” He slurs.

He laughs, drunkenly. “We should- we should do something tonight. What - what do you want to do?”

If he was sober, he would notice the girls obvious discomfort but he's wasted and he keeps pestering her.

“What do you want to do? I'll do anything you want to do, I don't care,” He slurs. Through his drunken stupor, he watches her leave and he feels lonely again.

“Hey bud,” he hears Jude say. “I think you need to call it.”

“I'm fine,” he says. Though, he's pretty sure it's obvious that he isn't fine.

“No. No, you're not fine,” Jude says sternly. Carter gives a small nod in agreement.

“C’mon, let's go.” Jude says as he helps him steady himself.

He feels Jude's fingertips through his sweater and on his skin. He wants to thank Jude for being nice to him. He wants to tell Jude that he thinks he's pretty and handsome. He wants to tell Jude that he's lucky to have such a family that understands and supports him. He wants to tell Jude that he doesn't think he'll ever have a family like his, and that thought makes him kind of mad.

  


* * *

  


They arrive at Carter's room and Jude helps him walk to his bed. He sits down on the bed while he watches Jude pull back the covers. He pulls Jude towards him and presses his lips to Jude's. The kiss - if he can call it that - lasts for all of two seconds. Jude pulls back away from him

“Hey! Hey, woah...woah,” Jude says.

He can feel Jude's hands where his neck meets his shoulder, and he can practically feel his skin heat up where Jude's hands are. Or, it could be the alcohol.

“Oh c’mon, I want to,” He says, quietly. A large part of him does want to, but the small and more sensible part of him knows that it's not a good idea.

“No no, you're _drunk._  You need to sleep this off,” Jude says sternly. Carter knows he's right, and he hates that Jude is right.

The tears come unexpectedly. He feels them in the corner of his eyes and he lets out these broken cries. He feels trapped, like, all the time. He feels like he can never really be himself and he feels all this pressure from his parents, to be this perfect son.

He cries into Jude's chest and he doesn't really care either. When he's around Jude, he doesn't feel like he has to put up much of a mask around him. He feels like he can almost be himself around him.

“I'm so messed up,” he cries. Because he is, he really is messed up in the inside.

“I know, I know,” He hears Jude say. “It's okay. You're okay.”

He looks up at Jude. “Stay until I fall asleep?” He doesn't know if that's asking for too much, but he doesn't feel like being alone right now.

“Sure. C’mon, let's get you into bed,” Jude says as he helps Carter into bed.

Once his head hits the pillow, he's out like a light.


	4. Turks and Caicos day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think they only stayed at Turks and Caicos for 2 days instead of 3, so just pretend that I knew what I was talking about in earlier chapters. 
> 
> I'm loving the support on this fanfic so thank you everyone who's read this and will keep reading it! I try to make the chapters long enough, but it's kinda hard to do lol. 
> 
> Unfortunately, this is the last time we actually see Carter in the show. So, I'll do my best to explore more of his character in later chapters and I might put in some Original Characters. 
> 
> (Also my earbuds are broken and I think it's kinda homophobic, especially during pride month).

Carter wakes up to a pounding headache and the sun streaming through his curtains. He gingerly sits up in his bed and rubs his eyes. He needs to get his shit together. He gets out of bed and sees that he slept in yesterday's clothes.

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbles to himself. “Why did I do that?”

He walks to the bathroom and turns on the shower, because he will not look like shit at his sister's wedding. He gets out the shower with about two hours until the wedding and he feels better. He just wishes he bought some Tylenol for this headache he has.

He gets ready for the wedding and he likes the tuxes that hid sister picked out. Or, well, he actually doesn't know who picked out the tuxes. That doesn't matter though, because he's trying not to think about how Jude might look in this exact tux.

He still can't believe that he really tried to get with Jude. God, how much did he drink to get that hammered. He feels like he made an ass of himself, which he most likely did. He just hopes that Jude doesn't tell anyone about what happened yesterday night.

He hears his phone go off letting him know that he has a text to see. He walks over to his phone that's on the table by the bed. He sees the text from his dad and he can feel the pinprick of anxiety enter his body

**Dad: We need to talk.**

Shitshitshitshit.

**Carter: Okay. When?**

His dad must know. He has to, right?

**Dad: 20 minutes. Don't be late.**

Those twenty minutes past by agonizingly slow. He mulls over everything he has done on the trip. Did his dad seem with Jude in any what that could make him believe he's gay? There's so many questions and accusations going through his mind as he walks towards his parents hotel room.

He knocks on his parents door and he swallows down the anxiety he has, and he will deflect and deny every question his dad has for him. His dad opens the door and he can tell by his dad's expression that this talk is not going to go so well. He sits on the edge of the bed while his dad sits on the chair across from the right side of the bed.

“So, son. I have some questions regarding your, uh, involvement with Brandon's brother, Jude,” He says accusingly.

Carter hides his nervousness behind his calm expression.

“Okay…” he says.

“Right. So, first of all, I just want to ask you if you're, well, if you're gay? Because I saw Jude leaving your room last night.” His dad gives him a cold look.

“No! And why did you automatically assume that since I hang out with Jude that I'm gay too?” He deflects.

His dad gives him a hard look. “Hmm...okay. Well, that's all I wanted to know, so you can leave. Remember try not to get your suit dirty. I paid good money for those suits.”

He leaves without saying anything else to his dad.

 

* * *

  


He walks down the aisle with Mariana and Jude. Mariana being in between them. He tries not to look at Jude because he looks way too good in that suit than he should.

He stands next Jude and Jesus on the groom's side, and he sees his sister walk down the aisle. He notices that his sister looks happy and that he would ask for nothing else. His sister looks beautiful as she walks down the aisle.

“We're all gathered here today, including Cory at home, hi love!” Stef starts saying. “We’re here today to witness the vows that Brandon and Eliza will share with each other. Asides on the differing opinions on who asked whom to coffee on the first date.”

“I did.” Eliza says.

“No, I did,” Brandon says lightly.

“Besides this mild discrepancy, we're here to support you. And wish you all of the joy and happiness that true love brings,” Stef says, warmly.

“We found a poem that not only summarizes marriage, but also family. What our family means to us and hopefully what your family will mean to you one day,” Lena says as she looks at Brandon.

“But not to soon, I'm not ready to be a grandma yet,” Stef laughs lightly.

“Love isn't perfect. It isn't a fairytale and it doesn't always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles and facing challenges. Love is fighting and holding on, and never letting go. It's a short word, easy to spell. Difficult to define. And impossible to live without. Love is work...but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it. Because you did it together,” Lena says eloquently.

“There's only one happiness in this life, to be loved and to love,” Stef finishes.

Brandon and Eliza say their “I do’s” and he thinks this wedding was beautiful, despite some slip ups. The ceremony was heartwarming and beautiful. He's glad that Eliza chose someone like Brandon to marry, and despite his attitude towards Brandon last night, he really does thing that he is a good guy.

 

* * *

  


He's alone at table nursing a beer and he's reeling over the conversation he had with his dad. He hope he was convincing enough.

“You okay?” Jude asks.

“My dad saw you leaving my room,” He tells him. “He freaked out. I don't have a family like yours. I can't be whatever I want to be.”

He walks away from Jude after he says that. He felt too exposed, too vulnerable. He left before Jude could feel sorry for him. He feels sorry for himself all the time, he doesn't need someone else to do that.

He puts on his mask again and asks one of Eliza's bridesmaids to dance with him. She's pretty enough. Not like Jude pretty, but he can appreciate her beauty. He twirls her around and then he dips her.

He thinks he hits on girls all time so his parents, mostly his dad, won't raise any suspicions. He dances with her for most of the time at the reception, until she goes off somewhere.

Then he's alone again. He feels like he'll never be able to be himself, and he hates that. He wishes that he doesn't always have to look towards his dad for approval, but he feels like couldn't live without it.

For the rest of the day, he avoids Jude and dances either by himself or with the bridesmaids. He doesn't mind it all that much (except he does).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter, I tried to make it long enough. Oh, and the person I had in mind while writing Jayden for looks is Cameron Boyce (that boy is a whole meal). Jayden is the only OC I will have in this entire thing. 
> 
> I was thinking about putting Connor in here, but I don't think I will. I don't think his character is necessary. Carter's character might seem fanon because we saw him a total of like 8 times in the show, so it's hard to tell what his personality would've been like, I guess. 
> 
> (I googled Princeton University clubs and Cheese and Bad Movies is a real club that they have.)

It's been about a month after the wedding, and Carter hasn't seen or heard of Jude in all that time. Carter is back at Princeton and he's back to his old self. His old self is drowning himself in work and just basically has his full attention on school. His roommate, Jayden, probably thinks he's uptight because all he's seen him do is study and take notes.

“Dude, do you ever, like, not study?” Jayden asks. “I mean, I understand that we're at Princeton, but you’ve to have some downtime.”

Carter doesn't know if he should take offence or not. “I guess you're right, but like, I really don't have time to myself.”

Jayden scoffs. “Everyone has time for themselves. All you need to do is make time.”

“Yeah but -”

“Listen, you should come to Cheese and Bad Movies club with me tomorrow. It starts at 4:30, and it sounds exactly what it is,” Jayden chuckles.

“I don't think -” Carter starts.

“I don't expect you to come, but all I've seen you do is sit at that desk and study. The sight of you studying all the time makes me not want to study myself,” Jayden says.

Carter is pleasantly surprised, if he's being honest. This is the most he's talk to his roommate in a while. They rarely, if ever, talk to each other like this. It's kinda nice, to be honest.

Carter goes back to studying and Jayden goes back to fooling around on his laptop. Carter doesn't really know much about Jayden except that he's here at Princeton on an athletic scholarship, and also that's he's pretty good looking.

Around 10 pm, his phone dings with a notification. He checks his phone and he almost drops his phone out of his hands.

 **Jude_adamsfoster started following you**.

He immediately clicks on the notification and clicks on the follow button on Jude's account. And if he scrolls through Jude's Instagram account for most of the night, then no one has to know except him.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up the next morning pretty early because he - stupidly chose - has an 8 am class. He checks his phone and sees that Jude had messaged him on Instagram late last night. His heart almost stops beating for half a second. He opens the message and it reads:

**Jude_adamsfoster: Hey, what's up?**

He doesn't text back right away even though he really wants to. Instead, he gets ready for his 8 am Latin class the classics. He leaves his door room around 7:30 and on the way, he grabs a cup of coffee with two shots of espresso.

He makes it to his Latin class with ten minutes to spare. He sits at his unassigned assigned seat towards the middle of the class. He scrolls through his phone and he keeps coming back to Jude's DM and it's like something over took his body, and the next thing he knows is that he responded to Jude's DM.

**carterhunter: Hey. Nothing much, just in my latin class, you know, the classics**

Class starts a minute after he sent the message and his professor has a strict no phone policy. So he stuff his phone in his bag and tries to not think about Jude texting him.

That doesn't happen though, that's all he thinks about during class. While his professor is talking nonsense about a dead language no one really cares about except pretentious people, such as himself. God, it feels nice to talk with Jude. He's really all Carter thought about for a month straight, which is weird because he hasn't felt about anyone like this…well, ever.

It feels like forever until his class ends, but he's thankful that it finally ends. He leaves the class as soon as possible and as soon as he leaves, he digs through his bag and takes out his phone. He sees the Instagram notification and he feels the pull of his lips turn into a small smile.

**Jude_adamsfoster: oh, right. Princeton boy wants to be a lawyer. Why do you have to take a Latin class? You know it's a dead language, right?**

**carterhunter: Yeah, I know lol. My dad says that every good lawyer took a Latin class, but Idk, he could be talking out of his ass**

He has ten minutes to get to his next class and just like his Latin class, he doesn't pay attention to anything. For once in life, he feels like he can be himself.

 

* * *

  
  


He arrives to the Cheese and Bad Movies club at 4:35 pm and he spots Jayden talking to people he doesn't know. And there's cheese, he doesn't really like cheese, but he takes a piece of Gouda and puts it in mouth.

“I didn't think you'd actually come,” He hears Jayden say behind him.

He turns around and sees Jayden smiling at him. If there's one thing about Jayden that he really like, is his pretty smile.

“Uh, well, I guess I took your advice and decided to come,” He says.

“I see that. So, the movie that we're watching is _The Emoji Movie_ , which I think is a great choice because, I mean, it's obvious as to why we chose it” Jayden chuckles.

“Well, I haven't seen it,” He admits.

“Y-you haven't seen it?” Jayden asks incredulously.

Carter nods his head.

Jayden puts his arm around his shoulders and laughs. “You're gonna be in for a ride, buddy.”

About an hour later and he totally wishes that he could bleach his eyes. The movie was… well bad. Like, really bad.

“Awful, wasn't it?” Jayden chuckles as they walk back to their dorm.

“Absolutely! Who let that movie be made? Carter laughs. He feels good right now. He doesn't feel so stressed as much as he used to, he feels at ease. Jayden makes good company, he doesn't know why it took this long to actually hang out with him.

While they walk, Carter checks his phone and is disappointed that Jude hasn't texted him back. But it's also understandable because Jude has a life too and he's also in college.

Jayden makes small talk as they walk and he feels a little bad that he isn't engaging in conversation, but he doesn't think Jayden seems to mind. He thinks Jayden is a cool dude to talk to, but he doesn’t want to say that Jayden is his friend yet.

Jayden coughs. “So, uh, I was just wondering if, I don't know, that you wanted to grab some brunch sometimes?”

The question doesn't really register in Carter's brain at first, but then it does and Carter starts to panic on the inside. He didn't know Carter knew that he was interested in guys. How did Jayden find out? He doesn't remember telling him, in fact this is the first time they've actually talked and hung out.

“I mean, you don't have to!” Jayden says quickly because he must sense that Carter is panicking. “I just thought, you know, you were gay, or at the very least bi.”

“I have a boyfriend,” He says quickly. Fuck. Now he's really done it.

“Oh…”

“Yeah. He doesn't to to school here. He, uh, lives in California. So…” Carter trails off.

“Dude, I wouldn't have asked if I've known. I don't try to get with people who's in a relationship,” Jayden explains.

“You don't seem like the type,” He laughs awkwardly.

They enter the dorm room and they go to their separate beds. He sees Jayden pull out his laptop and plug in his earbuds. While Carter sits on his bed and thinks of the past events. He didn't mean to out himself and now he's pretending that Jude without Jude's consent. Wow, he really likes to lie, huh. And he really doesn't even know why he told Jayden he has a boyfriend, it's not like Jayden is particularly mean or annoying.

He really dug himself a hole he can't get out of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six will most likely be up tomorrow or later today, depends if I'm feeling motivated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics are regular message, and the bold is Instagram message, if that makes sense. Also, don't contact the phone number, I just made it up (not that I think y'all would) but still. 
> 
> I think this the longest chapter I've written and I'm not a native to New Jersey or Cali, and I don't know anything about college life because I still am in highschool. So, if anything seems inaccurate, I apologise in advance. 
> 
> Also, I want to thank everyone for the continuous support on this fanfic. When I first started this I seriously didn't think it'd get this much recognition to be honest, so thank you. 
> 
> (Also can we just talk about the Sense8 finale?)

He can't sleep. No matter how much he tosses and turns, and tries to get comfortable; he can't sleep. He doesn't know why because he hasn't had sleeping problems before. Maybe he's stressed about the whole ‘I told Jayden I had a boyfriend, but that was a lie and now I don't know what to do’ situation. It's not like he can just message Jude and be like hey! I told my roommate you were my boyfriend but obviously that's a lie. Oh and by the way, I have might - no scratch that - I do have a crush on you lol

No, he can't do that. He doesn't even think that Jude probably doesn’t even him back, he was just probably flirting with Carter because he was bored. Or was he? He shakes his as if that could get rid of his racing thoughts. He just had to get himself in this situation. He has to come clean because if not the guilt will eat away at his insides. He has to tell Jayden the truth.

He hears his phone vibrate with with a notification. He picks up his phone and sees that it's a DM from Jude on Instagram (of course it is). He taps on the notification which automatically opens the message.

**Jude_adamsfoster: Hope you're not asleep. Sorry I didn't text back earlier, you know, college and stuff lol**

He smiles and immediately replies back.

**carterhunter: I'm not sleeping (surprisingly) um, what's up?**

Jude doesn't reply for a while, so he guesses that Jude fell asleep, or decided not to talk to him anymore, until his phone dings twice.

**Jude_adamsfoster: Sorry if this is too personal, but do Jaime and Eliza know about you, you know, that you're gay?**

**Jude_adamsfoster: also text me your number**

Carter sucks in a sharp breath because no, they don't. No one in his family knows about him, while doesn't seem like Eliza or Jaime would care that he's gay. It's just scary not really knowing if they would accept him or not. He would be okay if his parents didn't accept him, but he can't lose his older siblings that would hurt more.

**carterhunter: No. No one in my family knows and I don't think I'll ever tell them or if I should tell them. Oh and my number is 323-538-9421**

**Jude_adamsfoster: You can find support in me and my family if you ever decide to come out to them, i just wanted you to know that**

Carter smiles and if he feels his eyes drooping. There's something about talking to Jude that makes him feel calm, in a way. He doesn't hear his phone vibrate because he's already sleeping.

  


* * *

  


“Dude. Dude, wake up. Like, seriously dude, wake up or I'm gonna take your phone and smash it against the wall,” Jayden says with a sleepy tone, also a hint of annoyance.

Carter is 1) tired as shit because he didn't go to sleep until 2:30 am and 2) confused because he knows for a fact he doesn't have an 8 am class on Friday. In fact, his first class doesn't start until 9:30. So, who or what the fuck is making his phone go off at (he checks the time) 8:15 am.

“Dude, swear to God,” Jayden says with an edge to his voice.

He picks up his phone and answers the call, “Who's calling me so early in the damn morning?”

“Oh, uh, sorry about that. I thought you were up?” The person on the other line says sheepishly.

He perks up because that's Jude's voice. Wow. He hasn't heard his voice in a long time. It's good, very good to Jude's voice again.

“Isn’t like 5 o’clock in Cali right now?” He asks. “Why are you up so early?”

“Sometimes, I can't stay asleep so I just come out and watch the sunrise,” Jude explains.

“Oh, well, is it nice? The sunrise?” He asks, not that he really cares about the sunrise, he thinks that sunsets are better.

“Yeah, I just like sunsets more. Sorry for waking you up...uh, I'll call you back?” Jude says, like he's distracted.

“Sure,” Carter says. And not a second later, Jude hangs up on him.

“The boyfriend?” Jayden asks.

“What? Oh! Yeah, he just wanted to, uh, talk before he went to class,” He tells Jayden, lamely.

He almost slipped up, he needs to tell Jayden soon or later that he really doesn't have a boyfriend.

Carter falls back to sleep until his 8:50 alarm goes off and he gets ready for class. Thank god, he only has three classes today because if he didn't, he might actually fall asleep during class.

  


* * *

  


He has his Telecommunications Regulations in about 15 minutes and it's on the other side of campus, so he has to haul ass. As much as he wants to stop by for coffee, he knows that he shouldn't because his professor is a stickler about being late to class.

He arrives to class with five minutes to spare and for those five minutes, he checks his phone for any messages. He doesn't really have any except the ones from Jude from last night. He reads them over again and he likes talking to Jude. Jude makes him feel at ease, like he can see through Carter's facade and Carter's fine with that. Usually, if anyone were to ask him if he was gay he would automatically put up a front and lie.

“I hope you studied your terms well enough, because we're about to have a mock trial,” His professor says.

The mock trial goes well and he feels like he's got an a during his turn in the mock trial. He was a little nervous talking in front of the 10 people in his class because he doesn't know them very well.

His parents don't know, but when he was picking his classes he picked a Creative Writing class, for himself. His class schedule is mostly filled with pre-law shit that doesn't find all that interesting. He just has those classes, so his parents will get off his back.

That's his last class of the day though, he has to get through an hour or so of Rhetorical Theory which is a fucking bore (to him). Even though it's a bore, he does try his best in that class because he has to. If it was up to him, he would be an English major and not a pre-law major. His brother is already a lawyer, he doesn't know why his dad needs two lawyers in the family.

Rhetorical Theory goes by so fucking slow, this class is about as interesting as watching paint dry. It's his least favorite pre-law class, and it doesn't help that his professor is about monotone as Selena Gomez's singing.

But he braves through, and he's thankful that the class ends and he makes his way through campus to the English department. He enters his Creative Writing class and he can't wait to learn about what he's doing this time. This is the only class he looks forward to all week.

Before he knows it, it's time to leave and he feels kinda sad. He genuinely enjoys this class and the professor. She's really good at what she teaches and she's also really funny, but will get onto you if she has to.

 

* * *

  


He arrives back to his dorm after class ends and he flops down on his bed. He lies face down on the bed for few moments, but then turns over onto his back. He takes his phone out of his back pocket and sees that he has a message from Jude. (He hasn't been able to check his phone all day because of dumbass phone policies.)

_Jude: hey! Sorry about that call earlier today, I wouldn't have called if I knew you were still sleeping._

Sent at 2:34 p.m.

_Carter: it's all good! So, what's up?_

Sent at 2:45 p.m.

_Jude: Nothing, just doing some work for school, it's frustrating as hell_

Sent at 2:48 p.m.

_Carter: sounds tough, what class is it for? Maybe I could help._

Sent at 2:49 p.m.

He smells rather than hears Jayden when he walks into the dorm room.

“Oh my God, dude. You smell really bad,” Carter says as he covers his nose.

“You wanna know why, I smell so bad? Because I'll tell you! The reason why I smell so bad is because my coach made the entire basketball team run 3 and half miles around the basketball court. I don't mind the running part, but he had this idea of us running with garlic around our necks. I swear to God, that that coach is on drugs. Drugs, Carter. Drugs!” Jayden says incredulously.

“I'm really sorry to hear that,”Carter laughs. He just imagines the whole basketball time running three laps with garlic around their necks. It's pretty funny, to be honest.

“Yeah, you better be sorry. Now, I smell like inside of someone's gross toenail. So, if you'd excuse me, I have to go take a long shower.” Jayden huffs.

Carter laughs as he watches Jayden talk underneath his breath about his 'crazy ass coach.’

“Oh, before I forget. Do you want to come to a party tonight? It's at 10,” Jayden says as he's about to leave the room.

“I don't know. I have stuff to do” he says.

“Okay. Well, at least think about it?” Jayden says.

“Sure.”

He wants to go to this party, but he doesn't know if he should. He wouldn't know anyone there except Jayden, and doesn't want to follow Jayden around like a small child.

But it would the right time to tell Jayden the truth, and it's not like he has to stay for long.

Carter thinks it over a little more. He just hopes he made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I know I said that this was only going to be 5-10 chapters long, but I think it might actually be around 10-20 chapters long, give or take.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Besides Carter, I think Jayden is my second favorite character. I hope you like this chapter! Jude and Carter's relationship is what you would call slowburn, I guess. 
> 
> Hey, we made it to chapter seven, that's wild. I didn't think it would make it this far. More likely than not, chapter 8 will be up tomorrow.

Carter walks into the house after Jayden, he doesn't know whose house it is. He thinks it maybe belong to someone on the basketball team, but he isn't so sure.

Carter and Jayden make their way past the crowded living room, and into the kitchen. The music continues to thump loudly and he can barely hear anything.

“Do you want a drink?” He hears Jayden shout over the music.

“Uh, yeah. A beer is fine,” He shouts. He sees Jayden and he watches Jayden get a beer out of the fridge. He looks around the kitchen and sees someone actually vape on some pizza.

“Here,” Jayden says as he hands the beer bottle to Carter.

Carter takes it and twists off the cap, and takes a swig of it. He doesn't like beer all that much, but he doesn't want to get too drunk.

“You seem kind of tense,” Jayden comments. 

“Yeah...this really isn't my scene,” He admits.

“Is it really anyone's scene, though?” Jayden shrugs. “I mean, no one really “wants” to go parties. They just come so they aren't lonely on a Friday or Saturday night.”

Carter really never thought about it that way. He just assumed that there were people in this world that seemed more natural at parties, and people who hated them. It's a nice to hear something different though.

“Huh. I guess I never thought about that way,” He admits.

“No one really ever does,” Jayden says. “At least, I don't think they do.”

He sees people walk towards Jayden and he thinks that those people are Jayden’s friends. He feels awkward now because he doesn't really have any other friends besides Jayden. He should really get more friends.

“Hey, uh, I'll see you around,” Jayden says as he walks towards his friends.

He doesn't say anything back because Jayden is already walking away from him, and into the direction his friends are. He can't really be mad at Jayden for ditching him because he's not obligated to watch out for him, like some babysitter.

He leaves the kitchen and makes his way into the living room where the music is a little louder. He thinks he hears Queer by Brockhampton playing, but he isn't very sure. He walks to the couch and he's thankful that no one is on the couch. He sits down and he puts the beer down next to his feet, and takes out his phone.

He sees one message from Jude and he opens his iMessage app.

_ Jude: wyd rn? _

Sent at 10:47 p.m

_ Carter: At a party rn. It's fine, but I don't know anyone here except one person and he's with his other friends.  _

Sent at 10:49 p.m.

_ Jude: That sucks. What are you doing at party? I thought you didn't like parties  _

_ Sent at 10:50 p.m. _

_ Carter: I don't, but I had nothing else better to do  _

Sent at 10:51 p.m.

He doesn't get a text back for while from Jude. He knows that time zones exist and that Jude might be busy with something because it's 8 pm in Cali right now. He gets up from the couch, with beer in hand, and decides to dance. He downs the rest of his beer and shakes off his nervousness. He's going to enjoy himself and not look like a total loner.

He dances to the rhythm (or tries to). He knows he isn't the greatest dancer, but he's having fun so that shouldn't matter. He's so into the music and they dancing that he doesn't notice that someone is behind him  until they put their hands on his waist. He immediately tenses up and he turns around sharply. He sees a guy, he looks about his age, maybe a little older. He's probably three inches shorter than Carter, and Carter thinks he's attractive enough.

Carter walks away from with some lame excuse about going to the bathroom. He locates the stars and searched every room until he finally finds the bathroom. (How many rooms does this house have?) He locks the bathroom door and he looks at himself in the bathroom.

He looks kinda of flustered and his cheeks have a pinkish tint to them. When the nameless guy put his hands around his waist, he freaked out. He hasn't really been with anyone in the past month or so. He hasn't even tried to kiss anyone.

Sometimes, he thinks he's afraid of people finding out about him. Other times, he doesn't want people to find out that he's gay. Maybe he's struggling with some internalized homophobia, or maybe it's the fear of rejection that makes him stay in the closet. He doesn't mind about Jayden finding out because he seems trustworthy enough.

He splashes water on his face and unlocks the bathroom door, and leaves. As soon as he's out the bathroom, he dumps into someone and that someone happens to be Jayden. He looks at Jayden and sees that he's hammered.

“Carrrterr,” Jayden says, drawing out his name. “I was looking everywhere for youu.”

“You where?” He asks, amused at Jayden's current state.

“Yep!” Jayden slurs.

Carter watches as Jayden's expressions go from a happy drunk, to suddenly very sick.

“Carter,” Jayden says with seriousness in his voice. “I think I'm gonna throw up.”

Carter immediately pushes Jayden into the bathroom and not a minute later, he hears Jayden throw up in the toilet.

“You okay?” Carter asks through the closed bathroom door.

“Been better,” Jayden says.

“Just tell me when you're done, I guess.”

He stands in the hallway awkwardly for a good three minutes. He hears the water running and he assumes that Jayden is trying wash out the post-vomit taste in his mouth.

He hears the door open and Jayden comes stumbling out of the bathroom. He steadies Jayden and he didn't realize that Jayden was this short until now. Jayden has to be a good four inches shorter than Carter.

“I think we should go now,” Carter says as he helps Jayden walk down the stairs.

“But why? The party's just getting started,” Jayden slurs.

“Yeah, but you're obviously hammered and I don't want anything to happen to you,” Carter tells him.

Jayden doesn't say anything after that and they make their way out of the house, and to Carter's car. He takes out his keys and clicks the unlock button.

He hopes the passenger side and helps Jayden into the car. Which is a lot harder than said, because Jayden doesn't pay attention to anything Carter is saying to him. He hears Jayden mumbling to himself about drinking too much or something like that.

He gets into the driver's seat and turns on his pretty expensive car. He looks in the backseat and sees a bottle of water in there. He grabs it and takes off the cap and hands it Jayden.

“Drink it. It'll help with the hangover tomorrow,” He says.

Jayden huffs but drinks it anyways. Carter remembers that he was in Jayden's current situation not to long ago. He tries not to think about the two second kiss with Jude. He wonders what it would be like to kiss Jude for longer.

“Carter.”

“Yeah?”

“I want to tell you a secret,” Jayden giggles. “It'sabout you.”

“What secret?” He questions as he drives back to the dorm.

“Y - you're a good person,” Jayden says through his drunken stupor.

“Ok-

“I'm not finished,” Jayden interrupts. “But you're obviously struggling with something. I don't know what it is, but - but I know this about you. I'm psychic.”

“You're psychic?” Carter chuckles.

“It's fine if you don't believe me, but it's true. I'm psychic and you, dear Carter, are hurting,” Jayden says in a matter of fact.

Carter is taken aback about that last statement. He turns his head to look at Jayden. He doesn't know why Jayden would say such a thing, it's not like he's told him anything about his personal life.

“What makes you think I'm hurting?” He questions.

“Dunno, I just sense it and I also know that we're lying about the boyfriend.” Jayden shrugs.

Carter really can't believe anything that's coming out of Jayden's mouth. It's sounds like total bullshit. There's absolutely no way he knows about the fake boyfriend situation.

“How did you know that I was lying about having a boyfriend?” He questions.

“It's because you're kind of a bad liar. And I just know these things. I'm psychic, remember? Or...I could just be good at reading people,” Jayden admits.

“So, you knew all this time I was lying?”

“Mhmm, but I do think that you like them very much, you're just too scared to tell them.”

“I'm not-”

“Shh, time to sleep.”

The rest of the ride home is quiet. He hears Jayden's soft snores and the low hum of the music on the radio. 

 

* * *

  
  
  


Carter helps Jayden in their dorm room and once Jayden sees his bed, he flops down and settles into sleep. Carter goes to his own bed and lays down. He takes out his phone and sees that it's on thirty percent, and plugs his charger into his phone.

He opens his messages and decided to text Jude.

_ Carter: you up?  _

Sent at 1:33 a.m.

_ Jude: yes. What's up? _

Sent at 1:34 a.m.

_ Carter: I need to tell you something _

Sent at 1:35 a.m.

_ Jude: What is it?  _

Sent at 1:37 a.m.

Carter's heart hammers in his chest as he types his message. He can practically hear his heartbeat in his ears.

_ Carter: I think about you alot  _

Sent at 1:38 a.m.

_ Jude: you do?  _

Sent at 1:39 a.m.

_ Carter: All the time  _

Sent at 1:40 a.m.

_ Jude: I think about you to, though probably not in the way you think  _

Sent at 1:42 a.m.

_ Carter: What do you mean?  _

Sent at 1:43 a.m.

_ Jude: I know you like me Carter, only a fool would think otherwise. I just -- I have a lot of things on my plate right now and I don't think it's the right time for me to be in a relationship rn  _

Sent at 1:44 a.m.

Carter feels sick, like really sick. He knew there was a chance that this could happen, but he didn't think it would hurt like this. He feels like he can't breathe right now.

_ Jude: It has nothing to do with you. But, I think you need to work somethings out with yourself also  _

Sent at 1:45 a.m.

Carter doesn't text back Jude after that. He feels weird, suddenly. It's like his brain can't register what just happened. He just feels bad, like really bad. He wants the bad feeling to go away.

He doesn't feel the tears at first. They come unexpectedly like last time and he doesn't wipe them away. He just lets himself cry. He doesn't feel better afterwards, but that doesn't matter. Jude is right though, he does need to work on some personal issues.

Maybe it's his own fault for getting his hopes up. He really thought that him and Jude would start dating, but maybe this will turn into a life lesson or some shit like that.

But for now, he will let himself be sad and he will let himself cry. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8, already? damn. I'm thinking that this fanfic might have a total of 14 chapters, because I don't want to drag this out too much. Also, a new episode of Andi Mack comes on tonight and I am excited. 
> 
> (Is it bad that I ship Carter and Jayden more, than Jude and Carter. But I will deliver more Jude and Carter).
> 
> Also, I apologise for any typos or any grammatical errors

It's been about a week and a half since his confession to Jude, and he's doing okay. He doesn't talk to Jude as much as he used, but they talk then and there and they like each other's Instagram posts. So, it's not like there's any bad blood or awkwardness between them. It also helps that they live on opposite ends of the country.

_ “ _ Dude, I'm telling you that coach will be death of me,” Jayden complains. “Like, obviously, I don't mind doing extra exercises or anything like that. But, c’mon, there's such a thing called too much exercising.”

“Sounds tough,” Carter says absentmindedly. He really isn't a sports guy, so sports talk doesn't really interest him.

“I get it's like the semi-finals and the coach wants the team to win. But, I really can't take anymore of suicide sprints, we've been doing them for the past week. I'm  _ tired _ .” Jayden huffs.

Carter makes the mistake of looking up from his phone. He sees Jayden take off his shirt and he can feel his cheeks flush. It's been established that Jayden is attractive, it's like a fact that he is.

Carter feels quite uncomfortable right now. He isn't really hooked up with anyone in a whole month and then some. And his hand can only do so much.

“So, did you ever tell that guy you like that you like him?” Jayden questions.

“Uh, yeah. It didn't really go so well,” He answers truthfully.

“I could tell. You've been a little more mopey lately. I mean, you've always been kind of mopey,” Jayden comments.

“Oh. I guess you are psychic, huh,” He chuckles.

“Oh God. Don't remind me of that. I'm not psychic,” Jayden says, embarrassed.

“I thought it was pretty funny, to be honest,” Carter laughs.

“Are making fun of me now?” Jayden asks with a smile.

“Me? Never.” Carter smiles.

Jayden's expression suddenly becomes serious. “I'm sorry though, you know about the whole crush thing. I could tell you really like the guy.”

Carter shrugs. He's trying to get passed it and doesn't really bother him all that much anymore. The first three days were hard, he's not going to lie. He felt that Jude was the only one who got him, but maybe that isn't really true at all. He just has to let people in his life, and if they're understanding enough, they will wait for him to open up. Though, he does believe that Jude will come to him when he feels that the time is right.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Jayden asks while doing some coursework.

“Um, no, why?” Carter asks as he scrolls through Snapchat.

“I cause I wanted to know if you had plans or not, before I asked you to go bowling with me and my friends tonight,” Jayden explains. “And maybe go eat something later.”

“Sure, sounds fun,” He says as he taps through Jude's Snapstory.

“Okay! Well, we won't be going until like 8:30, so we have plenty of time to just hang,” Jayden comments.

“Yeah,” Carter says distractedly. He stops on the snap of Jude and some guy. The guy his kissing on the cheek and he tries to swallow the beast inside of him. He doesn't really know why he's jealous because he doesn't have that privilege, and he doesn't want to make assumptions.

He's just surprised, is all. He thought Jude had “too much on his plate,” the last time they really talked. He closes the app before he gets really upset.

“You good?” Jayden questions as looks at Carter. And, Carter, Carter needs to know what that means.

“Okay, what does it mean when a guy you like uploads a photo on social media, with another guy. But two months ago, the guy you like told you he was really ready for a relationship?” He questions. He desperately needs to know.

“I'm not very sure, but it could mean that that your crush was already in a relationship with said guy. He probably just told you that make it hurt less. I dunno though,” Jayden explains to the best of his ability.

Carter is confused. “But why would he do that? He could've just told me he was in a relationship.”

Jayden shrugs. “I think that's something that you have to ask him.”

Carter lets out a defeated sigh. He really didn't think that Jude would do that to him, but then again, he doesn't really know much about Jude as he thinks he does.

“You haven't been a lot of relationships, have you?” Jayden asks, accusingly.

“Is it obvious?” He asks.

“Kind of. But I can understand your situation, I mean, you finally like someone, like  _ really _ like them. But then they go around and do this. I can see why your confused. It doesn't really help that you aren't really  _ out _ ,” Jayden says. “I mean, not that you owe it to people to know you're gay. But there's, like, a lot of drama, I guess? About being with a person who's not out.”

Carter let's out an even bigger sigh. He doesn't feel ready to tell his parents and siblings that he's gay. He feels like if he does come out, he'll need to be ready.

“Not that, you should feel forced to come out because coming out is a really big deal for lgbtq+ folk,” Jayden continues. “So, it's okay to wait to come out, especially if you don't feel ready to.”

Carter sighs. “Thanks for the advice, Jay. I really appreciate it.”

Jayden shrugs nonchalantly. “It's all good, dude. And, besides, maybe that guy isn't your crush's boyfriend or whatever. So, don't get lower your hopes too early.”

 

* * *

  
  


“Hurry up! We're gonna be late! And besides, you're the one who invited me.” Carter shouts as he bangs on the bathroom door.

He can hear Jayden’s off-tune singing while he showers. He sighs and shakes his head. Jayden said they would go bowling at 8:30, and it's almost nine. He really can't believe Jayden sometimes, he really can't.

He comes out the shower ten minutes later without a care in the world, that they're going to be fucking late.

“Uh? Jay, I don't think you know how late we are, but like we're late,” Carter says matt of fact.

“I know. My friends won't mind,” He says like he doesn't care that his might be waiting on them.

Carter huffs but he doesn't say anything after that. He just sits on the edge of the bed as he (tries) to look at Jayden without looking like a whole weirdo. He always knew that Jayden had muscles, but he didn't think he would like them this much.

He either 1) needs to get laid, like, quickly or 2) dunk his whole body in a ice bath before he sprouts a hard-on in public. He prefers the latter, but he doesn't think it'll happen.

“You are done yet? It's like almost 9:30, we were supposed to be there an hour ago,”  Carter exclaims.

He hears Jayden chuckle, which is quite weird because this is isn't a laughing matter. He doesn’t like to to be late.

Finally, finally they arrive to the bowling alley. Carter pays for their shoes, because it's the least he can do. Jayden tries to stop him for paying, but Carter insists because it's not like his bank account will suffer.

Sometimes, he forgets that he's really rich, like really rich. He doesn't really show his off money off, except for his like $35,0000 car that he has. He doesn't really go and spend his money, even though he knows he can.

“Jayden, over here!” He hears someone yell.

Carter walks behind Jayden as they walk to his friends. They seem like friendly people and they welcome Carter pretty easily. He might like Jayden's other friends and he has a pretty good time. Jayden's friends crack jokes from time to time and they all laugh at them.

And like, no one seems to mad or at the very least upset that him and Jayden were like two hours late. He takes out his phone to record a video on Snapchat. He watches through his screen as Jayden makes a gutter ball for the 3rd time in a row.

He posts the snap to his story and stuffs his phone in his back pocket. He realizes that it's his turn and he gets a strike. He's actually pretty good at bowling because that was the only thing they got to do as family. Besides like rich people events that he was forced to go.

“Jay, you're getting smoked out there,” Carter says light-hearted.

Jayden rolls his eyes. “I know. That's why I don't like bowling. Like, I know it's all in good fun, but my brain treats it as a competition and I can't help but get competitive over it. It's dumb, I know.”

Carter shrugs. “I don't think it's all that dumb. But like, it is just a game and all of us are having fun. So, don't stress to much about the score.”

Jayden scoffs. “Yeah, says the one who's winning.”

Carter smirks. “Not my fault I'm so good. I'll help you, if you let me.”

Jayden looks at him. “You sure? You're not, like, gonna sabotage me?”

Carter shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Okay, fine.”

They have to wait a while for Jayden's turn but while they wait, they make small talk here and there.

“Ayo, Jay, it's your turn,” Jayden's friend says.

Both Jayden and Carter walk up to the bowling stand. Carter looks around and sees that everyone is preoccupied with something or the other. He walks behind Jayden and leans down to whisper in his ear. (He also tries not to notice the obvious height difference, but it's hard.)

“Alright, so, what you're gonna do is get a nice and steady grip on the ball.” He places his right hand on Jayden's left.

“Okay, what now?” Jayden asks quietly.

“Now, you just kinda swing your arm back and swing it forward. Then when you feel ready enough, you let go. But it's all in the wrist,” Carter says against his neck.

“Hmm, okay, I got,” Jayden says. He steps back from Jayden and he watched as he let's go of the ball, and he almost thinks that Jayden is going to get another gutterball. But to their amusement, Jayden happens to knock down seven bowling pins.

Jayden turns around and there's a big smile on Jayden's face. Carter gives him a high five. They bowl until 12:45 and they leave the bowling alley to go get something to eat. Someone suggests pancakes and he's down with that. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


They're at Denny's right now and everyone is in a good mood. There's soft chatter going on and the clanking of silverware against plates. Carter is at ease with himself, which is strange because he never really feels comfortable around new people, especially ones he doesn't know all that well.

Carter checks his phone for any messages and is disappointed that he doesn't have any from Jude, or anyone. He rolls his eyes and he puts his phone back into his pocket.

Once they're all done with eating and paying for their meals, they leave. They all say their 'see you laters’ and 'goodbyes.’ Carter goes with Jayden and they head into Jayden's car.

“Did you ever ask him, you know, about the whole thing?” Jayden questions.

“Ask who?” Carter asks, confused.

“The guy you like, about if that guy was his boyfriend or whatever?”

“No, I haven't really gotten around to it.”

“Mhmm. I think you're just scared to ask him.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It's just what I observed from you.” Jayden shrugs.

“Really?”

“Yep. I think you want to tell him, but you're afraid of what he might say in return. You're afraid that your suspicions might be true.”

“...I mean, I guess so.”

“See, told you I was good at reading people,” Jayden says smugly.

Carter smirks. “You think I'm easy to read?”

Jayden chuckles. “I mean, you are. But there's other times where you aren't. Like, I think you subconsciously put up walls whenever someone tries to dig too deep.”

“Huh…”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Carter and Jayden stay up pretty late talking. They talk about all kinds of things, like how time really is an illusion and maybe how everyone is in living in a simulation. He never talked about things like this with anyone. He's come to like it.

“Okay, you don't have answer if you don't want to. It's kind of a personal question. But, are you virgin?” Jayden asks.

Carter is mildly shocked by that question because in a way he is. He had sex with a girl,and it was weird and uncomfortable for both of them. He doesn't think that counts.

“It's okay if you are. I mean, virginity is just a social construct anyways. It's supposed make people, women mostly, feel like your dirty, I guess if you have sex or some shit like that,” Jayden says.

“No. I'm not really a virgin. It's kinda complicated, if I'm being honest,” He admits.

“Oh. Complicated how?”

“Like, in actuality I'm not a virgin, but in my mind I still am. My first time...didn't go how I wanted it. I guess, I felt pressured into having sex with someone because all my friends back home we're having sex, and I don't know. I guess, I felt weird because I wasn't having sex and everyone else was. It's like all they talked about. We both consented, but still,” He explains. That got really personal and now he feels weird, like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

“Dude. I'm sorry to hear that,” Jayden says, sympathetic.

“Eh, it was long ago. So…” He shrugs.

They sit in silence for a while and he realizes that he never told anyone that. Not even his older brother. Truth be told, he felt ashamed after his first time. Like, something was wrong with him. It didn't go the way he thought it was going to go, and it wasn't at all how his friends described it.

“Have you ever...tried it with a guy before?” Jayden asks, awkwardly.

“No. But, I thought about it before,” He answers truthfully.

“My first time didn't go as I planned either. He was older and we've dated for like a good two and a half weeks. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I mean, I gave consent and he used a condom. But, I don't know, I just felt weird afterwards,” Jayden says after a while.

“That sounds tough. I guess we have something in common now,” Carter chuckles. 

He feels closer to Jayden and it feels nice. To be feel close with someone without having any judgement between either of them. Carter feels like they click and Jayden makes a good friend. He needs more people like Jayden in his life. Jayden is good people.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload yesterday, I had to babysit some kids early in the morning and then I came home tired as fuck, and I slept for the rest of the day. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments, it's means a lot to me (y'all rock). Oh, chapter 10 will be uploaded later today. 
> 
> I know most schools don't have a fall break, but for the sake of this fic please just pretend.

It's been two months and everything is going pretty well for Carter. He and Jude have been talking more and more, and he finally asked Jude who that guy was. Jude told him he was just a friend and nothing more.

They FaceTime here and there, but it's hard to hold an decent conversation because of school and time zones. He obviously wants to talk to Jude more, but it's so since they have their own lives to live.

Carter has been thinking more and more about coming out to his family. There's a huge chance that it won't go the way he wants it too. And a more optimistic part of him wants to believe that his parents will more accepting of him, but he knows that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

“What are doing for fall break?” Jayden asks nonchalantly.

“Uh, not sure. I'm actually thinking about going back home for the break, what about you?” He replies.

Jayden shrugs. “Same. I mean, I'll probably stay at my parents for a few days, but I might actually go somewhere else. Like, new York, I have some friends there.”

“I've been to New York, it's quite nice. What do you plan on doing in New York?” Carter asks.

“I don't know, really. Might just fuck around,” Jayden says.

He wants to ask about Jayden's home life, but he doesn't think he should. He notices that Jayden is a little more reserved that normal. In fact, Jayden has been more quieter than usual for the past week and a half. He should say something.

“Jay, are you okay? You've been acting kind of different for the past week,” Carter questions.

Jayden sighs. “Not really. It's just -- I've been seeing someone for like a while, and I thought we really had something. Suddenly, they stop talking to me and I've to contact them. I'm just bummed because I thought they really liked him, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Oh, that must suck, man. I'm here if you ever want to talk,” Carter offers.

Jayden give him a small smile. “Thanks.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“To be honest, I didn't think that I would miss being away from my family this much. And it's kinda hard to deal with because all of us are so busy,” Jude says over the phone.

“I'm sorry to hear that. But Callie and Mariana live in LA now, don't they?” Carter states.

“Yeah, but you know. Callie is busy with her clerkmanship and Mariana is busy with her job. And you know, Brandon and Eliza are occupied with being married and stuff,” Jude replies.

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

“And like, I don't want to bother them because I don't want to seem like I can't handle being on my own. It's just...hard, y’know. But sometimes, I feel like I really _ can't  _ handle it on my own...it that makes sense.”

“No, no. It make sense. Being on your own is scary and overwhelming, and hard. But your family will understand if you just talk to them.”

Jude sighs. “I guess you're right.”

Carter laughs lightly over the phone. “Of course, I'm right.”

He practically sees Jude rolling his eyes. “Oh, shut up. Anyways, I have to to. See ya.”

“Yeah, see you.”

He doesn't tell Jude that he's coming home for a week because he wants surprise Jude. He thinks that Jude will like it, or he hopes that Jude will like it. Either way, he just hopes that Jude likes surprises. 

* * *

 

 

He puts his phone down and looks over to see Jayden just staring up at the ceiling, with a blank stare. Which is a cause for concern for Carter, because he's never seen Jayden act like this.

“Jayden, are you okay? You're kinda looking a little freaky,” Carter chuckles but there's no humor behind.

Jayden doesn't give him an answer. He just continues staring.

“Um, okay. I guess don't answer me,” Carter says, confused. “Um, well, I'm going to class now. Just wanted to you.”

Right before he leaves the dorm room, he looks back and sees Jayden to continue to stare at the ceiling. It runs a shiver through Carter's spine.

All throughout his classes, he can't help but think about Jayden. He's never seen him like this before and it scares him. He doesn't really know how to help Jayden, and that makes him even more scared. Jayden has been like this for almost two weeks.

He goes back to the dorm room after his classes are over and he's shocked to see Jayden still lying in the bed, looking but not looking at the ceiling. It's like he's looking at nothing. Carter has had enough. He stomps over and sits next to Jayden's feet.

“Okay, I have no idea what's happening with you but seriously, it's freaking me out because you've never acted like this and I demand to know,” Carter says sternly.

Jayden lets out a long sigh like talking takes too much energy. “I suffer from depression.”

Jayden must see the confusion on his face because he continues, “Most days, I can go on like normal and other times, I just kind of shut down, I guess. I'm taking medication and I've been seeing a therapist for a good four years. I know this will pass, and I know this seems concerning for you because you've never seen this side of me. But I'll be alright, this soon will pass. It has to.”

Carter doesn't know what to say. He's never been in this situation. He feels dumb for not knowing what to say, and he's afraid of not saying the right thing.

Jayden turns to look at him. “I really do appreciate your concern though. It's biological; my stupid piece of shit brain sucks at producing serotonin.”

“I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It must be tough,” Carter responds.

“It is, but I can manage it most days. It's kinda like, when you break a joint in your leg or foot, and it heals but I'll never be the same again. You'll always have to watch out for it, and manage that bad knee or bad ankle. That's kinda like what depression is for me, at least,” Jayden explains.

Carter nods and he gives Jayden a hug because that's he feel like he can give Jayden. A hug and some support. 

 

* * *

 

 

Before he leaves to catch his flight back to California, he makes sure he has everything he needs and says goodbye to Jayden.

“Call me if you need to talk or something like that,” Carter says he leaves his leaves the dorm.

“Will do!” Jayden shouts.

He arrives at his parents house unannounced and sees the surprised looks on his parents faces.

“Hi Mom, hi Dad,” He says.

“Hey honey, what are you doing here?” His mom asks, confused.

“It's uh, fall break and I wanted to come back home for a few days.” He shrugs.

“How many days?” His dad questions.

Carter gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Just two or three, don't worry. Oh, uh, I was thinking about having a family dinner. I have something important tell the family.”

“What is it?” His dad questions.

“I'll tell you at dinner,” Carter answers.

Carter goes upstairs in their six bedroom house and enters his own room. It's clean and organized and lacking some personality. He wasn't allowed posters on his wall and his parents never let him paint his room green. All he has is a queen-size bed in the middle of his room, a walk-in closet, a single white desk with his old laptop on it, and one dresser.

He unpacks his clothes and puts them in the dresser. Once he's done, he flops on his bed and decides to take a nap before dinner.

He doesn't want to think about what will when he tells them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moms make appearance in this chapter, which I love. The moms are my favorite fictional parents all of time. Sorry, that this chapter isn't really long but there might be more Jude and Connor in later chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and comment your thoughts. 
> 
> (Love Simon come out on DVD yesterday and I can't wait to buy it.)

The scrapes against the plates doesn't help ease the nervousness inside Carter. He keeps wiping his palms on his jeans but that doesn't help none because he feels like his palms sweat more. He hasn't touched his food, like at all, except for a few bites. The nervousness in his body makes it hard for him to eat. He can't really focus on anything except how he's going to tell his family that he's gay. His heart his hammering inside his chest so fast that he feels like he might go into cardiac arrest.

His sister, Eliza, has been giving him questioning looks and he just dismisses it. They haven't said anything in all of fifteen minutes and it's killing Carter. He needs to get his act together and tell them, but he's so nervousness that he can barely get a word out.

“So, Carter, what is so important that you had to gather the family together?” His father interrogates.

Everyone is looking at him expectantly, he can practically feel their gazes burning a hole into his own eyes. He's so afraid right now, he might actually have a panic attack, right here in the middle of dinner.

“Uh, excuse me, I have to use the restroom.” He says as he hurriedly leaves the dining room.

He goes into the half-bath and he locks the door. He turns on the facet and splashes himself with cold water. He can see it in himself that he's so afraid of what will happen, but he owes it to himself. He owes it to himself to be unapologetically him, and as much as he hates to say it, if his parents don't accept him then fuck them. He's done basically everything for them to be a good son. It's their turn to be good parents.

He leaves the bathroom and walks back to the dining room. He sits back down and he can feel the tension; it's thick and he feels like he might suffocate underneath it.

Carter sighs and then exhales, better late than never, he supposes.

“I have something important to tell you all. I hope you don't look at me differently,” He pauses. “I'm...I'm gay.”

He feels his heart drop after he says those two words. He waits for the pin to drop, or his dad to explored or his mom start crying, something. All he gets is silence and a cold hearted look from his dad.

“Are you serious, Carter? Do you know what this means for this family's name?” His dad questions, a sharp tone to his voice.

“I-”

“Do you what it'll to do us? What the public might say about this? Do you have any fucking  _ idea _ ?” His dad grits.

He doesn't realize he's crying till he feels the tears roll down his face. He wipes them away and he looks at his dad.

“I can't - I can't believe you would do this to us. Why couldn't you just been  _ normal _ ,” His dad sneers.

“Okay, Dad that's enough,” Jaime says sternly

“No, Jaime. He needs to hear this,” His dad shouts.

“Dad, please, it's  _ enough,” _ Eliza pleads.

He drowns them out, he's glad that his older brother and sister are sticking up for him, but he doesn't want to hear it from them anymore. He glances towards his mom and he knows that she's pretending to be busy. He just shakes his head in disappointment.

“Stop it! All of you!” He shouts. “This is the exact reason I didn't want to tell you! I knew you'd react like this!”

He's shaking, either with angry or hatred or both, he doesn't know. Maybe coming out was a bad idea, he should've stayed in the closet.

“God, I'm so sick of pretending! I am still me, I am still the son you know. I just like guys,” He shouts, furiously.

He thinks he hears someone crying, but he doesn't know. He can see the pure anger in his father's eyes and he wonders if his father would actually hit him. He glances towards Jaime and he sees that his expression shows disappointment and anger.

“How  _ dare _ you talk to me like that,” His father grits.

“You want to know what else? Dad, hm? I don't want to be a  _ fucking _ lawyer, in fact I hate it. I want to be writer. I want to write novels and maybe some shitty poetry, and I don't care if I don't make enough money doing it. So,  _ fuck you _ and I don't care if take me out of the will,” He spits.

He grabs the nearest set of keys he sees, and slams the door shout as he leaves.

He doesn't care. _He doesn't_ _fucking care_ _anymore_. He's so sick of pleasing his parents and everyone around him. He's so goddamn sick and tired of people trying to tell him to do this or be that. He just wants people to let him breathe and telling him what he shouldn't do and what he shouldn't be. He just wants to be himself.

He texts Jude before he gets on the freeway.

_ Carter: I need to see you. Where you are? _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The tears come faster than expected. He can't stop crying and he really should pull over before he gets into a car wreck, so that's what he does. He bangs on the car wheel because oh god, everything hurts right now. His heart hurts and his brain and he can't fucking think.

He let's out these broke sobs that come within deep in his chest. He cries into the steering wheel, he probably thinks that this is his sister's car, he doesn't care though. He cries for a good thirty minutes before he finally stops letting out this horrible broken cries. He just let's out a few sniffles here and there. He looks at himself in the rearview mirror and sees that his eyes are extremely red and puffy, and that he has snot coming out his nose. He wipes the snot away on nose and gathers his wits.

He check his phone and sees a text from Jude.

_ Jude: moms new house _

He sees the address and puts it in his GPS. That's what he needs right now, Jude's supportive moms and Jude himself.

He arrives at the house an arrive later and he sees Jude along with his moms and something inside of him breaks once more, and he starts crying again.

They come to his side and they help inside. Stef gives him a cup of coffee and he feels Lena rub his back. He so wishes he had parents like Stef and Lena. It would make this ten time easier.

“Oh honey, I'm so sorry,” Stef says warmly.

He let's a small cry. He wonders if he'll ever stop crying.

“I know, it might be hard now. I've been a similar situation like yours. Just know that you aren't alone, and nothing is wrong with you. So don't carry that guilt inside of you, don't be ashamed of who are and who you love." Stef says with a warm smile.

“You are worthy of love and I'm sorry that you have to grow up with parents that aren't accepting of you, but you can come to us any time you need,” Lena chimes in.

Carter cries as they give him a hug and he whispers a quiet thank you. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jude chewing the bottom of his lip.

“You can sleep here if you don't have anywhere else to go and I bet you aren't feeling up to go home,” Lena says.

“Thank you, really,” He says sincerely. 

 

* * *

 

“I'm really sorry that happened to you. You shouldn't have to go through that,” he hears Jude say as they get ready for bed. He's sleeping on the floor in Jude's room.

“Do you realize how lucky you are?” Carter says quietly.

“I know,” Jude says.

“Sometimes, I don't think you do. I would kill to have parents like yours Jude,” Carter admits.

Jude doesn't say anything after that and Carter is worn out from all the crying and the yelling, he's out like a light in the matter of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if the writers of The Fosters ever decide to make a show about Carter (which I highly doubt they will) I really hope that Carter would go to Stef and Lena for help.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a few days, I've been kind of lazy. Also, this chapter is mostly a filler chapter, but chapter 12 will be uploaded later today and hopefully a lot longer than this chapter. 
> 
> Also, I don't if y'all are fans of 5sos but their album Youngblood is full of bops ngl. Also, seeing feedback on this fic is such a great feeling, so thank you! 
> 
> (Also I discovered this artist Yungblud and his music is pretty good, I like it.)

Carter wakes up to dried up tears and a heavy heart. He doesn't know what time it is, but he's pretty sure it's still very early in the morning. He rolls over onto his back and he checks his phone; he sees that it's 7:30 a.m. and that he has many missed calls and unread texts.

Many missed calls are from his father and some from his mother. Though, the texts are from his brother and sister in the group chat he has with them.

_ Jaime: little bro, you alright? Where are you?  _

Sent at 8:45 p.m.

_ Eliza: Dude, where are you? We're really worried about you...and dad was really out of line with what he said. But, Jaime and I have your back. We love you  _

Sent at 8:47 p.m.

_ Jaime: yeah dude, we understand how hard it was to come out and we're here you  _

Sent at 8:50 p.m.

Carter smiles at their texts because even if doesn't have his parents support, he can rely on his siblings.

_ Eliza: Also, did you take my car? I mean, it's fine, i was just wondering _

He reads through a few more and most of them ask him where is and if he's okay. He appreciates his siblings concern. He doesn't bother calling back his dad because he doesn't want to hear what his dad has to say anyways.

He replies that he's at Stef and Lena's new house and that's he's alright.

He gets up and sees that Jude is still sleeping and then he leaves the room, or at least tries to because he hears Jude's voice speaking to him.

“Where are going?” Jude says, sleep still apparent in his voice.

“Down stairs. I couldn't sleep anymore,” Carter says.

“Hmm. I know a place where we can go, just give me a moment,” Jude says as he gets out of bed.

He waits for Jude downstairs and the sight of Jude makes him smile. Especially with Jude's bed head, and he still seems a little groggy.

They pile into Jude's car and he takes the passenger seat. They don't say much on the ride, too occupied in their own thoughts. He feels like he should say something, but he doesn't know what to say. He's still reeling in the events of last night and thinking about makes want to yell and cry. He doesn't know what he's going to do and that's make him even more scared.

He doesn't want to overstay his welcome at his in-laws house, but he doesn't want to intrude on living with his brother. He really is in a dilemma. He could stay at a hotel for the next four days, but he doesn't know if his dad stopped his bank account.

“You stay with us, until you go back to school,” Jude offers.

He looks at Jude. “Are you sure? I just, I don't know to intrude. ”

Jude shrugs. “It's okay. They'll understand.”

Carter frowns. It's not exactly what he wanted to hear, but if Jude says they'll be cool with it then he'll stay, besides fall break is only a week long.

“What you said, last night. I've been thinking it over,” Jude comments.

“Hmm?”

“You know, not really realizing that I'm lucky or even grateful to have the parents that I do,” Jude explains.

“Oh, I'm sorry that if that come out rude. I wasn't...I didn't think.”

“It's fine. It's just - you're right. I do forget that I have such understanding moms and I know that I could come to them with anything. I guess I wanted to thank you because that really opened my eyes,” Jude tells him.

Carter doesn't know what to say. Matter of fact, he said that because he knew that he was never going to have that with his own parents.

“Also, I'm sincerely sorry that you can't find support within your own parents. I don't know how that feels, personally, but I can see that it hurts you and it sucks that you have go through that,” Jude says, sincerely.

Carter gives him a small, sad smile. “It does, but I have your moms. So, it's not a total loss.” 

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

They park the car on the side of the road which overlooks a beach. He's been to the beaches in New Jersey, but they never really amount to the beaches in California.

They get out and sit on the ground, and watch the sunrise. He likes how the sun reflects on the ocean and he likes the stillness of the everything. It feels peaceful up here, and he wishes he could always stay up here, but he knows that it can't happen.

“I come here from time to time, I don't know why though. Maybe because it's somewhat concluded, and it feels peaceful, somehow,” Just says after a while. “I usually come here to clear my head. Watching the sunrise reminds me that even though it might seem like things won't change, the sunrise will. You never see the same sunrise.”

“Like, that was really profound.” Carter smiles.

Jude chuckles. “Shut up, I'm trying lift your spirits, or something like that. But in all seriousness, I do hope that your parents come around to accept you.”

He sighs. “Yeah, me too.”  Carter hasn't returned any of his parents calls, he just doesn't have to heart to talk to them. He's too sad and angry and disappointed to talk to his parents. He doesn't want to hear what they have to say.

Carter looks Jude and there's a sudden and unexpected spike of anger and jealousy he feels towards Jude. Jude has everything that Carter wants. Why did the universe decide who gets everything and others get nothing? Sometimes, Carter can't stand his own meanness.

“What's wrong?” Jude questions.

“Nothing,” He says.

And it's not like Jude deserves Carter's unprecedented cruelty. He's done nothing to warrant it anyhow. He just feels this weird weight inside his chest; it feels like the devil is dancing on his heart and causing all these weird emotions.

So, just like the first time, he kisses Jude. He hears Jude's small disgruntled noise, but Jude doesn't push him away. He doesn't know what this kiss will accomplish, probably nothing, but he's waited so long to do this.

He doesn't feel like holding himself back anymore. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written a whole makeout scene in LONG time, so if it feels rough then I apologise. Also, I told you that this chapter will be longer than last one. I know that I changed my mind a lot about how many chapters there will be, but I do think that it will be between 16-19 chapters. 
> 
> I hope that you like this chapter!

Jude misses school for Carter and that makes Carter feel bad because he should have to do that, even though he is in a not so great place right now. They go back to the house and he's surprised that Stef and Lena aren't there. He knows that they work, but still. He knows Stef runs a non-profit organization and Lena is running for a democratic party.

“Moms will be back later,” Jude says as he looks through the fridge.

Carter hums in acknowledgement. Carter observes Jude and while Jude doesn't have the most muscles, he still happens to pull of the muscle tee that he's wearing currently. He leans against the wall that separates the foyer and the kitchen, and just admires Jude. Which is probably kind of creepy, just standing there and watching Jude.

“I can feel you watching me,” Jude says. “Also, are you hungry? Cause I'm starved, I can order some Postmates if you want me to?”

Carter rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry for watching you. I could eat, what do you feel like having?”

Jude thinks for a moment. “Uh, how about some Jack In The Box? Does that sound good?”

“Yeah, I'm not really a picky eater,” Carter comments.

Carter watches as Jude orders for them off of the Postmates app, and they make themselves comfortable. They sit at kitchen table just talking about nothing. They ask each other questions about their lives and about colleges. Conversations to fill in the silence, but the conversation Carter really wants to have is about the kiss. Jude doesn't seem to be worried about it, but Carter needs to know how Jude feels about him.

Their food doesn't take long to get to them and they eat in silence, and they both scroll through their own phones. He's watching Jude scroll through his phone and he sees Jude smile at something.

Carter sees that his dad has stopped calling him because there isn't any missed (read: ignored) calls in his call logs. He seems some texts from Jayden and some from his siblings, but he doesn't feel like replying to them, so he doesn't.

“Dude, so like, do you have a boyfriend?” Carter asks around a moutfull of burger.

Jude pulls disgusted face. “Dude, why don't you swallow your food before asking a question. And no, I don't have a boyfriend.”

Carter chews and then swallows. “Oh. Well, I don't either.”

Jude hums. “Okay. Well, do you like anyone?”

“No,” Carter replies. “I mean, I guess I do but like I don't know how they feel about me.”

Jude gives him a smirk. “Haha, very funny. If you wanted to say you like me, then just go out and say it.”

Carter smiles sheepishly. “Well, I mean, I do like you… a lot Jude.”

Jude sighs. “I know. It's just...I'm afraid that if we do end up in relationship then it's going to be long distance. And I had a long distance relationship before, and it didn't turn out all that well.”

“I understand your worries, Jude, but how do you know that's going to end up badly between us.” Carter frowns.

Jude chews on the inside of his lip. “I understand that and that relationship doesn't really count because we were both thirteen. But, I don't know.”

“I see where you're coming from, but we can just test the waters with us. And if it seems kind of rocky, then we just dock the boat and just stay friends,”Carter says, hopefully that Jude will agree.

“First, why did you talk in water references and second, sure, we can see how things go with us.” Jude smiles.

Carter rolls his eyes. “I just went with it okay, it came to me and I just rolled with it.”

Carter really can't believe that this happening, it doesn't feel real. Like, this is some twisted fever dream and he's bound to wake up anyone moment. He discreetly pinches and yep, he's wide awake. He's realizing that he's actually never been in a relationship with a guy before, and that kind of scares him. Like, what are the rules and shit like that? He doesn't know. He's never even tried to get with guys because he was always so afraid of his dad knowing.

“Is it okay if we go slow? Like, I just, I really don't know what to do,” Carter admits shyly.

Jude nods. “Yeah, definitely. Just you know, if ever full unsure about anything that we do then we can just talk about. I don't want to feel like you can't talk to me about setting boundaries and shit like that.”

Carter smiles, grateful that Jude understands where he's coming from. He probably was in the same situation, he did mention that he dated someone all throughout highschool. He think that Jude and him will be pretty good together. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


They're sitting on the couch now, watching a movie and it seems pretty interesting if Carter was paying more attention to it, but he's not. His focus his soley on Jude and he feels like a creeper just  _ looking _ at him. He didn't know just when he was younger, but he thinks that Jude definitely filled out.

He wonders if it would be weird if he asked Jude if they could just make out. God, even thought of asking him that makes him feel awkward. Like, who in the hell just asks someone if they could make out? They are together, but they're really not that comfortable with each other like that. All this confusion is going to make him explode.

“Carter, I can tell you're having a dilemma right next to me. What is it?” Jude says not looking away from the TV.

Carter inhales. “I was just...is it weird to ask if I want to make out instead? Obviously if you're not the mood or if you don't want to, then that's cool. I respect that. All I wanna do is just to make out. That's all.”

Jude turns to him. “That's all you wanna do?” 

Carter nods. “Yeah...was that weird to ask? Cause, I feel like it was a weird to ask say.”

Jude chuckles. “No, it wasn't weird. Just surprising.”

Something overcomes Carter and he can't stop talking. He is just talking about nothing as Jude comes close to him and puts his hand on his neck, and invades his personal space.

“What time does your moms come home?” Carter says, almost breathlessly.

“Late,” Jude says.

“Oh.”

Carter's heart is beating faster by the minute as Jude looks from his eyes to his lips. Carter wonders if Jude's heart is beating just as fast as his own, or faster. Jude keeps switching back and forth from looking at his eyes and then to lips. Carter subconsciously licks his lips and he leans in closer. (Carter is definitely not thinking about if his breath smells or not.)

Their lips are basically touching and he can feel Jude's soft breath on his face, and God it's killing him. He's just wants to kiss Jude, like  _ actually  _ kiss him. Carter closes his eyes and finally,  _ finally  _ seals their kiss.

Jude kisses him deeper and he let's out a small noise. He hasn't been kissed like this in a long time. He feels heat coil in his stomach and he feels like his lips are on fire, but in a good way. He feels skin alight with warmth when he feels Jude skim his against his stomach.

As they continue to kiss, Jude tastes like certainty and minty toothpaste. He doesn't know how someone can taste like certainty, but Jude sure does. He can feel in the way Jude kisses him, like he's so sure of himself. While, Carter is so unsure of himself. He doesn't know if he's doing this right, but it feels right and Jude is making all of these pleased little noises, so he must be doing something right.

Jude breaks the kiss and Carter is confused because he's pretty sure that they had a nice thing going.

“Is everything okay?” Carter asks, breathless. 

“Yeah, just - do you want to do more. Or…?”

“No no, this is good. This is all I want to do.”

Jude nods and he goes back to kissing Carter. But this time, Carter decides to be on top and Jude is underneath him. Carter deepens the kiss. Having someone else's tongue in your mouth is weird, but a good weird.

Carter slips his hands under Jude's shirt and feels the soft skin of Jude's taut stomach. He hears Jude let out a soft moan and something stirs in the pit of his stomach. Carter feels Jude's own hands on his body and he feels like his skin is on fire.

Carter has wanted this for so long and he's imagined it so many times before, but now that it's happening it's better than he imagined.

Carter lightly bites Jude's bottom lip and Jude emits a low groan, which goes straight to his dick. Carter stops kissing Jude, to start kissing Jude's neck. Carter nips and kisses at Jude's neck and he emits out soft sighs and low moans. Carter might actually die if Jude keeps making those sounds.

Carter doesn't realize he was rubbing against thigh until he says something.

“Carter, Carter, I think - I think it's time to stop. I don't...I don't want you to regret anything if this goes any further,” Jude says softly.

Carter nods against Jude's neck and he separates himself from Jude. In the light, he sees Jude's hair is a mess and that Jude's lips are red and swollen. He also notices Jude's shirt has ridden up as result which exposes his slim stomach.

“Well, um, I'm just…” Carter say awkwardly.

“Yeah, no, go ahead,” Jude says, trying not to look at Carter's obvious hard-on.

He comes out of the bathroom five minutes later and if Jude heard him jacking off in the bathroom, then at least he's a decent enough person not to comment on it. 

 

* * *

  
  
  


Stef and Lena come home a little after seven and they eat together. They laugh at the table and he feels better and ease with everything around him. Though, tomorrow he needs to go his parents house and get his suitcase.

“Hey, is it okay if Carter stays here for a few days?” Jude asks.

He sees Lena turn to Stef and they give each other a look he doesn't understand, but hopes that he will in the future.

“Sure, hun.” Lena turns to him. “You can stay as long as you need.”

“I really didn't want to intrude, I swear. It's only going to be for a few days, like four max,” He explains.

“Carter, sweetie. You're family now, you can stay as long as you need and we mean it,” Stef smiles.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” He says sincerely.

After dinner, they go upstairs into Jude's room and they lay on the bed together. It's different, sharing a bed with someone. He's so used to having bed for himself, but it's nice to have someone next to him and feel their warmth.

“I want to tell you something, and I hope you don't freak out,” Jude says, nervous.

“Sure, what is it?”

“I take PrEP which is basically a prescription for people who aren't at infected with HIV, but are at high risk of getting it,” Jude admits, not looking at him.

Oh… that's something. He doesn't know to take it, if he's being honest. He doesn't feel disgusted by Jude, he's just surprised is all. Maybe it's a good idea for him to get tested too.

“Um, you're freaking out which is good, but you're also not saying anything.”

“I just, I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm like grossed out or anything, in fact I think it's actually pretty smart of you to get tested. I just don't know what I should say. I've never been in this situation before.”

“I just wanted to let you know. Also if you have any questions about getting tested or whatever, then don't be afraid to come to me or my moms.” Jude grins.

Carter sighs. “I have to go to my parents house tomorrow, I have to get my suitcase. And while I don't mind sharing clothes with you, I miss my own.”

Jude laughs. “Okay, I'll with you, if you want me too. I don't have class at all tomorrow, so it's no big.”

Carter glares. “Are you don't have class tomorrow and not just telling me so I don't feel bad about you missing class.”

“Okay, fine. I have class tomorrow but it's fine. I can miss another day.”

Carter shakes his nod. “Oh no, you're not missing another day of class. You're going to school tomorrow, and besides, I'm a big boy, I can go to my parents house by myself.”

“I know, it's just I'm afraid something with happen.”

“I appreciate your concern, but nothing will happen.”

“I hope not.” Jude says. “Now, give me a kiss.” 

Carter smiles and gives Jude a soft and slow kiss, and when they pull away there's a soft glint in Jude's eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me four days to upload this, the reason is I'm very lazy. Also, I've been thinking that this fic has about 2-3 chapters left and then it's finished. Sad, I know but all things must come an end. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for everyone's continuous support and feeback!

Carter wakes up in a cold sweat and his hand clutching his chest. He looks over and sees that it's around two in the morning, and Jude is still asleep. He doesn't know what made him wake up so scared, it could be that he's dreading to speak to his parents.

He doesn't know what will happen when he goes over to his parents later today. He hopes that everything goes smoothly and he needs it to go smoothly. He doesn't think he'll handle another rejection from his parents.

He gets up out of bed because he doesn't think he'll go back to sleep again. His heart is beating too fast for his own liking and he just needs to go. Go where? He's not sure. But there's just this unsettling in his bones and body, and he needs to put it somewhere.

He quietly goes downstairs and he doesn't see or even hear Stef until he's about to leave the house.

“Where are you going?” Stef asks, startling Carter.

Carter winces. “Somewhere...nowhere.”

“Come have a seat. I think we need to talk,” Stef says warmly.

He walks over to where Stef is sitting at the kitchen table, hands on a coffee mug. He sits across from her and they sit in silence for a while. Carter to busy thinking about what they need to talk about and Stef probably think about how to go about this conversation.

He sees her hands let go to the mug and take his own. And at first it's weird, because no one has held his hand in a long time, especially his mother's. Her hands are, well, mom like. Their warm and soft, and they have known all kinds of heartbreak and love. He doesn't remember the last time his own mom held his hands like this, and that thought alone makes him want to cry.

“I see you hurting,” Stef starts. “And I wish that I could take that hurt from you because I know how that feels. And I'm sorry that you have to experience that sort of hurt at such a young age.

I just want you to know that there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with you. Who are and who you love are nothing to be ashamed about. I don't want you live with that shame and guilt for years, so that's why I'm telling you this now. I know how it feels not having that support from your parents, until many years later. I just - I don't you to go through your whole life thinking that something is wrong with you and that you're broken, because you none of those things.

I love you and I'm proud of you because coming out is such a big thing for any lgbt+ person, especially if you don't have supportive parents.” Stef finishes.

As Stef was talking, something inside Carter breaks and he starts crying. He couldn't believe that such a great and wonderful person, went through that. Stef doesn't deserve it. He gives Stef a tight hug and from the bottom of his heart, he tells you thank you and that he's so grateful for their support.

“Are you going over there today?” Stef asks, as he's wiping away his tears.

“Yeah. I just need to get my clothes and I'm never going back there again,” He says, sternly.

“Just be careful, okay?” Stef says as she gets up to leave.

“Wait...what were you doing up so early?” Carter asks, confused.

Stef sighs. “Don't worry, I'm okay.”

Carter goes back to sleep a little bit after 3:30 a.m. and he feels Jude pull him a bit closer in his sleep. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Carter wakes up again around 10:30 a.m. and he already knows that Jude is gone because he doesn't feel his body heat. He checks his phone and sees that he's gotten three texts from Jayden.

_ Jayden: So how's fall break going?  _

Sent at 8:36 p.m on Sunday

_ Jayden: NY is kinda cool? It smells like pollution and rusted metal though _

Sent at 7:23 p.m. on Tuesday

_ Jayden: I'm just assuming that you're busy and that's why you're not responding but how's your life going, dude  _

Sent at 11:06 p.m on Tuesday

Carter smiles at Jayden's texts and quickly texts him back. Then he gets ready to go to his parents house.

He doesn't bother knocking on his parents door because well, he doesn't have to. He lived here for eighteen years, he doesn't feel like he should knock.

“Who is it?” He hears his dad say. He doesn't bother answering and he walks into the grand living room, and sees his parents shocked faces.

“Oh.” His mother gasps. “We've been calling you for days and you never answered.”

He can feel his dad's cold stare burn a hole through him and he wishes to badly to tell his dad to fuck off. In fact, he's really close to telling him.

He coughs. “Uh yeah, I just came to pack my stuff. So, I won't be long.”

He turns to leave, but he hears his dad's voice once again.

“Did Jude make you like this? Did Jude make you into a  _ queer _ because if so then we just need you stop talking to him,” His dad sneers with malice.

Carter grits his teeth.  _ “No _ , dad. Jude didn't turn me gay. I've always been gay and I always will be and nothing you say or do will change that.”

His dad scoffs. “Yeah right. You had girlfriends before, so that doesn't mean you're gay.”

“Just because I had girlfriends before, doesn't mean I want them now. In fact, I didn't want them before. I  _ don't like girls.  _ Did you hear me, dad? I don't fucking like girls at all,” Carter seethes. “Now, just fucking let me get my stuff and I'll never speak to you again.”

He stomps upstairs and he packs his shit angrily. He grumbles obscenities under his breath about his dad and it feels good. It doesn't take long to gather all of his stuff and he's out of the house without saying a goodbye, and he makes sure to slam the door, hard, as he leaves.

He gets into his sister's car and puts his suitcase in the backseat. He turns on the ignition and drives off, back to the Adams-Foster house. He doesn't cry while he’s driving, except that he absolutely does.

* * *

 

 

It's about one in the afternoon and he hears the door open. He thinks it's one of the moms or both of them, until he hears Jude grumbling about something.

“Carter? Are you here?” Jude calls.

“Yeah, what's up?” Carter answers from the living room.

He hears Jude's footsteps walking in the direction towards the living room, and he feels Jude flop down on the couch next to him.

“College is a lot harder then people make it out to be and more lonely.” Jude sighs.

Carter hums. “Yeah, definitely. Sometimes, I feel like if college is even worth.”

“Right! Like, if they wanted everyone to go college then they should it make it more affordable. It's just crazy how expensive it is,” Jude replies.

Carter doesn't reply because he never realized how much harder it is for people that aren't wealthy and well off like himself. It makes him feel bad that college is luxury to most people, and that they will spend their entire lives trying to pay off their student debt. Maybe college isn't all that.

“Anyways, do you want to have a date? Like, right now?” Jude asks, out of the blue.

Carter fumbles. “Wh-what? A date? Like, an actual date?”

Jude hums. “Yep, but honestly, a date can be anything if you're with the right person. So, I'm gonna go out and to go Whole Foods and gather some snacks, and you can pick a movie.”

Carter is surprised and happy to hear Jude's suggestion. He really didn't feel like getting all dressed up and going to a fancy date. Maybe they can do that next time.

Before Jude leaves, he plants a quick kiss on Carter's lips.

“Alright, I'll be back in like twenty minutes.” Jude says as he leaves the house.

While Jude is gone getting some snacks, he picks out a movie that he thinks Jude and him will both like, and he ends up picking  _ Thor: Ragnorok.  _ He likes action-comedy movies and in his opinion,  _ Thor: Ragnorok _ happens to be best.

Jude comes back about twenty-five minutes later and brings about three bags worth of movie food. He dumps them all over the living room floor and Carter marvels over how much food it is.

“Alright, so I didn't know what you like so I got like everything in every food group, I guess,” Jude chuckles.

“Wow...uh, this is a lot but I appreciate it.” Carter smiles.

“Okay! So, I got snack ranging from sweet all the way to spicy. Oh! And I also got popcorn,” Jude says.

“Wow, this is,” Carter pauses. “This great, actually. I love it.”

Jude looks satisfied and they being their date. They shut off all the lights and close the blinds on the living room. They settle on the couch and with the popcorn in between them, and they start the movie.

While they're watching the movie, Carter can't help but think that even though things aren't so good with his parents, everything seems to be alright with Jude. Seeing Jude's smile and hearing Jude's laugh puts Carter in a better mood. Carter feels like he can tell Jude everything without being judged. He feels comfortable around him and himself.

He turns to look Jude who is too preoccupied in the movie and he smiles, softly. He doesn't think Jude knows just how amazing he is. And maybe that's the same for Carter.

Jude turns and looks at him, and he gives a confused smile. Carter leans in and kisses him sweetly. This time, Jude tastes like buttery microwave popcorn and certainty. He moves the bowl of popcorn onto the floor and so he can lean in more. He hears Jude sigh into the kiss, and Carter deepens the kiss.

Carter can feel Jude's hands in his hair and on the back of neck. His own hands are roaming Jude's stomach and chest and neck. There's lots of hands and tongue and fingers. He can feel Jude's hands dip roam low, then lower, until they’re so close to Carter's dick.

Jude let's out a low moan and Carter emits one of his own. It feels good, like real good. He doesn't want this moment to stop. He feels Jude's fingers skim against his skin so softly it feels like a whisper.

He feels Jude's hands unzip his jeans and he breaks the kiss. He doesn't know if this is the right time and he knows that he isn't ready to have sex, well at least right now, he isn't.

“Hey, hey. Don't panic. I wasn't thinking about sex. I can tell that you're not that there yet, and that's fine. I just wanted to get you, um, off...if that's okay with you?”Jude asks.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn't. I wasn't -” He stumbles.

“If you don't want that either, that's cool too. Besides, I kind want to see how this movie ends because I've never finished the ending,” Jude says, warmly.

Carter let's out a sigh of relief. “That's sounds better. Um, maybe we could, uh try it some other time.”

Jude nods, understandingly. “Whenever you're ready. I don't want to pressure you into anything.”

Carter gives him a small kiss. “Thank you.”

Jude smiles. “No problem. Now, do you want the box of M&Ms or the kit-kat?”

Carter smiles and asks for the box of M&Ms and they watch the rest of the movie. Despite going to his parents house and talking to his homophobic dad, today was a good day for him.

He's just going to miss Jude when he goes back to Princeton for the rest of the school year. He hopes that he can come back for winter break in late December. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished watching all five seasons of b99 and I love it. Jake and Amy are a superior couple to Ross and Rachel and that's just the tea. I fully support the headcanon that Jake is bi, so @ the b99 writers make bi Jake canon you cowards.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So, uh, hi. It's been a long time since I last updated, I'm so sorry. It's was own lack of ideas and motivation, and ideas that prevented me from updating. In truth, I don't really like this chapter but I hope you guys do. 
> 
> This fic has one chapter left before it officially ends, and maybe an epilogue. To the people who stuck with this fic since I started it, thank you so so much. To the people who are now reading it, thank you. 
> 
> (I'll try to make the last chapter and the epilogue as long as I can)

The rest of fall break passes like a blur, and the next thing he knows is that he's back in New Jersey. He didn't talk to his parents at all for the rest of the break. He doesn't feel bad about it. He mostly stayed with his mother in laws at their new house. He helped them here and there when they needed him.

He visited his sister and brother here and there, but he mostly just stayed with Stef and Lena. He’d wait till Jude was finished with all his classes and then he would make his way to UCLA, to hang out with Jude. While he was hanging out with Jude at college, he can't but think that Jude acts a little different when he's at college then around his family. It's to be expected, but it still surprised Carter nonetheless.

He lets out a sigh of frustration, he's been working on this assignment for one his pre-law classes for like an hour and he barely put a dent into it.

He would ask Jayden for help, but he's out celebrating a win or something like that. So he has no one to help him with this dumbass assignment. God, he should just fucking dropout. He rubs his temples because he feels the oncoming headache of trying to understand what the hell this assignment is about.

He leans back into his chair and looks up to his plain, white ceiling. He can't believe that's it been two weeks since he came out his parents. It's weird, he surmises. They finally know that one of their sons is gay and it's weird knowing that they knew. Not so long ago, he would do anything to make it seem like he was straight.

Some days, he wishes that he would've came out sooner but he's proud of himself for coming out at the time he did. He doesn't know what would've happened if he came out sooner. Now, now he can be as gay as much as he wants, or as little.

“What's up, fellow gay!” Jayden shouts as he barges into the dorm, which startles Carter. Carter can obviously tell that Jayden is in a good mood, probably from the party or whatever teams do after they win a game.

“Nothing much, just turning my brain into ooze,” Carter says with sarcasm.

“Hmm, that's sounds rough. Do you want me to put in a jar or something?” Jayden responds with sarcasm.

“Would you? That'd be amazing.” Carter grins. 

Jayden laughs and Carter follows with laughter of his own. He likes laughing with Jayden and hearing Jayden's laugh. He's really glad that their friends.

“Okay, but really though? Why don't you just..stop taking pre-law classes? I mean, it seems like the most logical thing to do. It's really obvious that you don't like the course,” Jayden suggest with a shrug of his shoulders.

Carter purses his lips. “You know what? You're absolutely right. I don't know why it took me this long to do it. I just hope it isn't too late in the year to change my classes.”

“I don't know. But you should go to the counselor tomorrow, see what you can do.”

“Yeah, I know. I'll do it tomorrow.”

They really don't talk after that. Jayden puts on his earbuds and starts on his own work, and Carter goes back to his own assignment. 

Around ten, he gets a call from Jude and they talk for awhile and he didn't realize the look he gets when he talk to him until Jayden points it out.

“You look like that you just saw the moon for the first time,” Jayden comments. “Who's the special person?”

Carter crosses his arms, embarrassed. “Uh, that guy I told you about. I was talking to him. We're, uh, we're dating now.”

“Dude! That's great! Since when?” Jayden asks.

“Like, two weeks or so,” Carter answers.

“Cool cool...” Jayden says awkwardly.

“Yeah…”

Jayden clears his throat. “Well, I'm just happy you finally ended up with him. I know much you like him.”

Carters gives him a small smile and he sends a goodnight text to Jude before he falls asleep. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Carter waits, impatiently as the counselor looks over his schedule. He chews on his bottom lip and digs his nails into the leather seat.

“So, I see that you want to drop all your pre-law courses and enter in English and creative writing courses. Is that correct?” She asks, looking at through her glasses.

“Mm, yes. I don't want anything to do with with pre-law. I hate it,” He says.

“Hmm. Well, if you've came any later to change your course schedule, I don't think you'd be able to change. But you're in luck, I'll rearrange your schedule and inform your old professors that you're no longer going to be in their classes,” she informs.

“Okay, thank you. I really appreciate it,” Carter says.

She shrugs her shoulders and says, “You're welcome. Starting Tuesday you'd be able to go to all your new classes.”

He says thank you as he leaves her office. It sucks that he won't be able to start his new classes right away. He doesn't bother going to class because what's the point? He goes back his dorm room and plops right down on his bed. He doesn't know what to do with his free time, he can't call Jude because he's pretty sure that Jude is in class. Jayden is also in class which means that he has no one talk to.

He grabs his phone and his keys, and leaves the dorm room. He doesn't know where he's going to go, but he feels like he just needs to go on a drive.

He drives for a long time, but then he finally stops at a coffee shop that he's never heard of. He enters the coffee shop and the coffee smell is welcoming and nice. The coffee shop has a peaceful sense of intimacy about it. He likes it. He goes up to barista and orders a soy chai latte, and then finds a place to sit.

A few minutes later the barista brinks him his drink and he thanks her. He sips on his chai latte here and there, but mostly he just thinks as he looks out the window. He can see that's it's starting to rain, but he doesn't mind all that much.

He finds himself thinking about the last few weeks, and how he's happy with his life right now. He never thought that it was possible for him. He always thought he'd be miserable for the rest of his life and marry some girl that he'll never love. It's crazy what a few months will do to someone.

The rain hitting the window panes makes him feel calm and at ease. He doesn't think he's ever been this calm and relaxed. It's a weird feeling, but a good one. He gets up, leaves a ten dollar tip, and walks back to his car.

He arrives back to his dorm around seven at night and sees that Jayden is chilling on his bed, probably watching YouTube videos. He walks towards his own bed and he sits down on the edge of it. He decides to call Jude, to see how he's doing. Jude answers on the second ring.

“Hey, what's up?” He asks.

“Nothing much. How's your classes going?” Carter asks, as he stares at the ceiling.

“Fine. I finally decided on what major I want study in.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Psychology. It took me a while to finally understand what I want to do with my life, and I feel like I'd make a good therapist one day,” Jude says.

His chest swells with proud that Jude is finally coming to terms on what he wants to do with his life. He deserves this. He wants nothing but success and happiness for Jude. 

“What about you? How's Princeton going?” Jude asks.

“It's going pretty well. I'm dropping all my pre-law courses and entering in for English and creative writing courses. I honestly don't care what my parents think at this point. I never wanted to be a lawyer in the first place,” Cater replies honestly.

“I'm glad that you're doing what you want. I hope you excel in those classes.”

“Me too.”

It goes quiet for a few moments, just hearing each other breathe over the phone until Jude breaks it.

“...I miss you,” He says softly. His chest feels tight when Jude says that. He's been trying to swallow down the feeling of missing someone for a good two weeks. And he thought he was doing a good job, but hearing it come from Jude is different.

“I miss you too,” he answers, just as soft. “Like a lot, I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much and I feel weird… I guess for missing you this much.”

“I understand. It's different now that you're in New Jersey and I'm over here in California. I miss you a lot too,” Jude says, kind of sad.

“Wish you were here.” Carter sighs.

Jude hums. “I know. Me too.”

They say their goodbyes, and Carter can't help but feel sad. He misses Jude a lot and being in a long distance relationship makes it even harder, but he's willing to stick it out. He just hopes that Jude feels the same. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to say I'm sorry that it took so long to write the very last chapter. Second, I hope you all like this as much as I liked writing this fic. Lastly, I want to say that I've very grateful and appreciative all the people who left comments and kudos on this fic <3

The chatter of voices and the clinking of glasses warms its way into Carter's heart. He remembers the same thing happening months ago, but for a different reason. He's back from Princeton for winter break, and they're having brunch at his in-laws house. The air around him feels bright and airy. He feels lighter, like on the inside. Not so heavy as he did before.

He feels Jude's hand in his own and he smiles softly. He hears someone clink their glass and he looks up and sees Callie with a nervous smile on his face.

“Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for coming. You all look amazing.” Callie starts. “At first, I was really nervous about the whole fiasco with...well, you know. But, it isn't all too bad. I have my sister and brother with me and I've made some good friends over the past months. I just wanted to wish everyone a early New year and may it bring happiness and peace.”

Everyone raises their glass and repeats, “To happiness and peace.”

Carter smiles at everyone and he feels good. He feels comfortable and ease with everything at the moment. The breeze blows hear and there and the sun shining on them makes him feel warm and safe. He's having a wonderful time.

He doesn't realize that Jude stands up and starts talking till he hears his name coming out his Jude's month.

“...Carter and I are dating.” Jude says. Carter's, well, he's shocked. He didn't know Jude would do something like this. He knew that they would have to tell their family at some point or another, but Jude should have at least talked about it.

Carter doesn't meet anyone's eyes, he doesn't want to see their expressions. It's quiet...for a long while. No one picks up their class their or eats. Carter swallows the lump in his throat.

“Good for you two!” Marianna breaks the silence with an energetic smile.

Carter sighs with relief and he finally meets everyone's eyes. Steff and Lena are smiling softly at him at him and give approving looks. Jésus, Brandon, and his brother Jaimie give him approving nods. His sister and sister-in-laws get up and give him a big group hug.

He doesn't want to see the disapproving glares from his parents but he does anyways.

Though, he doesn't get disapproving glares from his parents like expected, instead he gets small smiles from both of them. While it really doesn't all that much from anyone else, it means so much to Carter. Those small smiles mean that their trying, they're doing their best to accept him.

He wants a sincere apology from his parents, but that might take a while so he'll settle for this. While, it doesn't fix everything between him and parents, he knows they're improving. 

People start to have conversation and he tries to answer all the questions that his in-laws have.

This year was a rollercoaster for him and his family, but he got through it with the support of Steff and Lena, and Jude and his brother and sister. And Jayden in some ways.

He feels like he finally breathe now. Like, he doesn't have to hold his breath in anymore. It's a weird but good feeling not having to hide this part of himself. He feels free, in a way. He likes it. No longer will he try to hide himself and uncomfortable with himself. He deserves to be himself one hundred percent of the time, including the bad parts of himself.

Jude whispers, “Are you having a good time?”

Carter turns, places a small peck on Jude's lips and says, “The best time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow my tumblr @lemonsunsets where I post about 5sos, tøp, BTS, Day6, and etc.


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